Misrepresentative Men

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Fox, Duffield, 1905 - Nonsense verses - 88 pages
 

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Page 5 - From quiet homes and first beginning, Out to the undiscovered ends, There's nothing worth the wear of winning, But laughter and the love of friends.
Page 22 - So, like a thorough altruist, He lets another do his job; In winter he will work all day, But when the sun shines he makes Hay. And thus, in spite of office ties, He manages to take a lot Of healthy outdoor exercise, Where other Presidents have not; As I can prove by drawing your Attention to his carte du jour. At 6 am he shoots a bear, At 8 he schools a restive horse, From 10 to 4 he takes the air, — : (He doesn't take it all, of course) ; And then at 5 o'clock, maybe, Some coloured man drops...
Page 37 - Oil);At dawn he woke, — then slept again, He never had to catch a train! A happy, solitary life ! But soon he found it dull, I ween, So thought that he would like a wife, — When Eve appeared upon the scene. * * * And we will draw a kindly veil Over the sequel to this tale. MORAL Ye Bachelors, contented be With what the future holds for you ; Pity the married man, for he Has nothing .to look forward to, — To hunger for with bated breath ! — • (Nothing, that is to say, but Death!) CAPTAIN...
Page 35 - ... manners free, All kinds of clothing he eschewed, — He might be seen in any weather, In what is called "the Altogether!" The luxuries that we enjoy He never had, so never missed; Appliances that we employ For saving work did not exist; He would have found them useless too, Not having any work to do. He never wrote a business note; He had no creditors to pay; He was not pestered for his vote, Not having one to give away; And, living utterly alone, He did not need a telephone. The joys of indolence...
Page 19 - In him combined we critics find The diplomatic skill of Choate, Elijah Dowie's breadth of mind, And Chauncey's fund of anecdote ; He joins the morals of Susannah To Dr. Munyon's bedside manner. The rugged virtues of his race He softens with a Dewey's tact, Combining Shafter's easy grace With all Bourke Cockran's love of fact; To Dooley's pow'rs of observation He adds the charms of Carrie Nation. In him we see a devotee Of what is called the " simpler life " (To tell the naked Truth, and be Contented...
Page 18 - ... by popular assent, The people's peerless President ! Behold him! Squarely built and small ; With hands that would resemble Liszt's, Did they not forcibly recall The contour of Fitzsimmons' fists; Beneath whose velvet gloves you feel The politician's grip of steel. Accomplished as a King should be, And autocratic as a Czar, To him all classes bow the knee, In spotless Washington afar; And while his jealous rivals scoff, He wears the smile-that-won't-come-off.
Page 20 - In summertime he can't resist A country gallop on his cob, So, like a thorough altruist, He lets another do his job ; In winter he will work all day, But when the sun shines he makes Hay. And thus, in spite of office ties, He manages to take a lot Of healthy outdoor exercise, Where other Presidents...
Page 34 - In History he holds a place Unique, unparalleled, sublime; "The First of all the Human Race!" Yes, that was Adam, all the time. It didn't matter if he burst, He simply had to get there first. A simple Child of Nature he, Whose life was primitive and rude; His wants were few, his manners free, All kinds of clothing he eschewed, — He might be seen in any weather, In what is called "the Altogether!
Page 68 - Tis better to have luffed and lost, Than never to have luffed at all I My shareholders must be content With such a good advertisement.
Page 36 - He made his couch upon the soil; The glow-worms gave him all his light. (He hadn't heard of Standard Oil)!— At dawn he woke, — then slept again, He never had to catch a train ! A happy, solitary life ! But soon he found it dull, I ween, So thought that he would like a wife, — When Eve appeared upon the scene. • • • And we will draw a kindly veil Over the sequel to this tale. MORAL Ye Bachelors, contented...

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