No Thanks, I'm Only Looking

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AuthorHouse, May 9, 2006 - Humor - 128 pages
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It's Saturday morning - Bag a Bargain Day - at Carlton's.  for the next twelve hours, until closing tonight, the life of a large retail store will be exposed when Marie opens the massive glass sliding door to the Mall, and reveals an inside peek of the human drama residing within. There will be jealousy, with egos rising and falling; sexual harassment; dress code violations; impending birth; insurance fraud; shoplifting; exile caused by NO SMOKING; hanky-panky in Display's mysterious storage loft; and visits to the throbbing center of every day's life blood of gossip and intrigue -The Associates' Lounge. All seen through the eyes of WOOSBY, the store's aging cleaning and stockman.  Woosby, the clever acronym he has bestowed upon himself - WORLD's OLDEST STOCK BOY.  He has given names to the four commodes he keeps spotlessly clean in the Ladies' Rest Roof left to right, Mona Lisa, Little Orphan Annie, My Gal Sal and Peg 0' My Heart. And, yes, there's a bloodied occupant in Intimate's last fitting room. (Author's note     anyone who has ever worked or shopped in a large retail outlet - that's just about all of us - will be able to identify with the characters in this book.)

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About the author (2006)

School Daze - 1941 - George Washington Elementary -Age 12 - "Thanksgiving In A Coal Mine".

The Hearald Quarterly - 1948 - Gannon College-Age 19 - "Humbleness In Writing" - "If it should ever be my great privilege to write something beautiful, I know my greatest feeling will be one of humbleness."    (now my greatest feeling will be one of avarice and notoriety)

Drum Corps News - circa the eighties - Traveling with our son to Drum Corps shows - Age 30 something -"Mama And Daddy Go To The Great Big Drum Corps Show"

A myriad of song parodies and "plays" for Retirement parties - "I Did It My Way" and the "play" Weeds. based on "Roots" (I understand MY TITLE, Weeds is

now appearing on a new TV sit-com)

Then, of course, the ever popular "Night Before Christmases" - "'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through White House, not an intern was stirring with unbuttoned blouse" Ah, this was My Bill's Presidency.

Then there are those two bulging cartons of my literary masterpieces in the basement - to be discovered to the world upon my demise.

And, to think, all this accomplished while fighting my nemesis, the comma.

And, last, and probably very least, that one sentence that has haunted by brain for years and years and years "An impatient rain drop, anxious for the storm to begin"

Well, guess that's it - portrait of a frustrated
writer raising a family and keeping food on the table -
and years and years of not unleashing that desire to
write.            Have a nice day.

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