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Page 74 - THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE STAMPED BELOW AN INITIAL FINE OF 25 CENTS W.LL BE ASSESSED FOR FA.LURE TO RETURN THIS BOOK ON THE DATE DUE.
Page 33 - Ladies and gentlemen, we are now to listen to a lecture on 'Fools' by one" — (the audience broke into a roar of laughter, and after it had died away, Bishop Vincent added) — "of the most brilliant men in America.
Page 5 - Moses !" said the Jew, and pulled one of Pat's tenderest. "Dan O'Connell," said Pat and took another. "Abraham," said Ikey, helping himself again. "Patrick Henry," returned Pat with a vicious yank. "The Twelve Apostles," said the Jew, taking a handful of whiskers.
Page 62 - A certain young man's friends thought he was dead, but he was only in a state of coma. When, in ample time to avoid being buried, he showed signs of life, he was asked how it seemed to be dead. "Dead?" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. I knew all that was going on. And I knew I wasn't dead, too, because my feet were cold and I was hungry.
Page 28 - Stand down." The witness proceeded to leave the box, and directly his back was turned he laughed derisively. The magistrate, indignant at the contempt of court, called him back and asked him how he dared to laugh in court. "Did you see me laugh, your honor?" queried the offender. "No, but I heard you,'" was the irate reply. "That evidence is not satisfactory," said Pat quietly, but with a twinkle In his eye.
Page 19 - An' I was here on Tuesday nicht, an' Wednesday nicht, an' Thursday nicht, an' Friday nicht? " " Aye, I'm thinkin' that's so." " An' this is Saturday nicht, an
Page 62 - If I understand aright, the plaintiff doesn't ask damages for blighted affections or anything of that sort, but only wants to get back what he's spent on presents, pleasure trips and so forth." "That Is so," agreed the foreman. "Well, then, I vote we don't give him a penny,
Page 21 - The lady of the house, the call said, was dying of a heart difficulty. The sleepy doctor got into his clothes somehow and went to the house, where the patient — a very stout woman — was in bed, breathing stertorously. The doctor could find nothing specially wrong, but the woman was panicky. "Cough !" he ordered. She could not. Then he put his ear over her heart and said: "Count slowly.
Page 8 - Smith, and an ex-Advocate-General, on one occasion engaged in an argument with a physician over the relative merits of their respective professions. "I don't say that all lawyers are crooks," said the doctor, "but you'll have to admit that your profession doesn't make angels of men.