Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love

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Macmillan, Oct 11, 2002 - Family & Relationships - 368 pages
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Every teenager rebels against authority at some point--talks back, breaks curfew, or disobeys. But literally millions of teens take their rebellion to a point where it disrupts their families and endangers their own futures or even their lives. If one of these teens is yours, you've probably lived through years of conflicting advice and pat solutions that don't last. Finally, this breakthrough guide from a master therapist will show you the seven steps to positive, permanent change for you and your teenager:

1. Learn the real reasons for teen misbehavior.
2. Make an ironclad contract to stop that behavior.
3. Troubleshoot future problems.
4. End button-pushing.
5. Stop the "seven aces" -- from disrespect to threats of violence.
6. Mobilize outside help.
7. Reclaim lost love within the family.

Clear, compassionate, and packed with real-life solutions to real-life problems, Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager gives parents the tools they need to turn their families' lives around for good.

 

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This book is all about trying to teach a parent how to parent, in the author's way. I don't believe this book should have any effect on the lives of the people who read it, but the family should solve the problems themselves, such as compromising. This is probably the most useless topic of book I've ever heard of. If the author put this much work into college, he could have a doctorate degree in engineering in 6 years. To summarize what I've said: Don't buy this book. 

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Contents

Do You Know This Teenager?
1
Understanding Why Your Teen Is Out of Control
11
Unclear Rules
12
Not Keeping Up with Your Teens Thinking
13
ButtonPushing
14
Teenager Drunk with Power
15
The Pleasure Principle
16
Peer Power
18
Closely Monitor Internet Use and Abuse
183
Contractual Contraception
185
Real Teens Real Stories
187
Alcohol or Drug Abuse
189
Find Out How Often Your Teenager Is Using
192
The Prime Suspect
197
Underage Posters and Shadowing
200
Fines and Misdemeanors
202

Misuse of Outside Forces
19
A Road Map of Defeat and a New Highway to Success
20
I Will Not Take Charge
24
I Will Take Charge
28
Writing an Ironclad Contract with Clear Rules and Consequences
29
Why Your Current Contracts Fail
32
How to Write a Contract That Works
33
Tackle Only One or Two Problems at a Time
34
Convert Problems into Concrete Rules
37
Create a WellWritten Consequence
39
Use Both Positive and Negative Consequences
46
Put the Written Contract Together
48
Include Your Teenagers Input and Expertise
51
Be Consistent in Following Through
58
Catch Your Teen Doing Something Right
60
Troubleshooting How to Think Two Steps Ahead of Your Teenager
67
Coming Up with Plan B When Plan A Fails
68
Anticipate What Your Teen Will Do Next
77
Troubleshoot Underlying Family Problems
79
Button Pushing Why Your Teen Wins Arguments
85
Find Your Parental Buttons
87
Find Your Teenagers Buttons
92
ButtonBuster Techniques
98
Stopping Your Teenagers Seven Aces Disrespect Truancy Running Away Teen Pregnancy Alcohol or Drug Abuse Violence and Suicide Threats
115
Disrespect
122
Choose Your Battles Wisely
124
Two Can Play at That Game
127
A Hierarchy of Consequences
129
Lavish Praise and Appreciation
130
Do the Unexpected
132
The Pawn Broker
133
Truancy or Failing Grades
138
Work Collaboratively with the School
140
Positive Praise and Recognition
143
Grounding
146
The Pawn Broker for School Issues
147
Attending School
148
Home Schooling or Switching Schools A Last Resort
152
Running Away
154
Use Your Teen as an Expert
156
The Stealth Bomber Consequences
158
The Gandhi Consequence
166
Teen Pregnancy or Sexual Promiscuity
171
Build Your Teens SelfEsteem
174
Talk to Your Teen About Sex
179
Invade Your Teens Privacy
205
Relapse Is Normal Prepare for It
208
Spiritual Anchors and Nurturance
209
It Takes a Village to Help a Drug Addict
212
Address Any Underlying Family Issues
214
Threats or Acts of Violence
216
The Nonviolent Town Meeting
228
The Old MacDonald Consequence
232
A Cowritten Antiviolence Contract
234
Monitor Your Teen Closely
236
Accountability and the Police
237
Nurturance The Antivenin of Violence
238
Threats of Suicide
239
The Risk of Suicide
241
An Antisuicide Contract
249
There Is Strength in Numbers How to Mobilize Outside Helpers Like Friends Neighbors and Police Officers
252
Know the Playing Field
254
Mobilizing Friends or Neighbors
264
Mobilizing Churches Synagogues and Extended Family
266
Getting Help from Child Protective Services GPS or the Police
270
Mobilizing Counselors
273
Mobilizing Your Teens Peer Group
276
Reclaiming Love Between You and Your Teenager
285
The Fine Line Between Love and Hate
287
Timing Is Everything
292
Emotional Warmups
294
Five Toxic Behaviors That Poison Your Relationship with Your Teen
297
Six Strategies to Reclaim Love Between You and Your Teenager
300
Special Outings
301
Accept Underlying Feelings
307
The Power of Hugs
313
Be the First to Restore Good Feelings
318
Give Your Teen Opportunities to Regain Trust
319
Creating Soft Talk
324
What to Do If These Steps Fail or You Experience Special Circumstances Single Parenthood Divorce Stepfamily or Teen Emotional Problems
328
Get Support on the Internet and in Your Own Town
329
Understanding the Complexities of Single Parenthood Divorce Stepfamilies and Teenage Emotional Problems
331
Single Parenthood
332
Difficult Divorces
336
Stepfamily Issues
337
Teenage Emotional Problems
340
Final Thoughts
342
Choosing the Right Counselor for You
343
Index
349
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About the author (2002)

Scott P. Sells, Ph.D. is an Associate Professor of Social Work at Savannah State University and the executive director of the Savannah Family Institute in Georgia. Over the past fourteen years, Dr. Sells has personally treated more than three hundred difficult children and has served as a consultant for the Department of Juvenile Justice. In addition, he has spent the past three years conducting seminars in which he has spoken to over four thousand professional counselors and parents about the material found in his book Treating the Tough Adolescent: A Family-Based, Step-by-Step Guide. Dr. Sells has recently launched a three-week parenting education program, "Parenting the Out-of-Control Teenager," for parents and their teenagers, and he is currently in the process of developing parent support groups and counselor certification training throughout the country.

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