People You Know

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R.H. Russell, 1903 - American wit and humor - 224 pages
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From the author's foreword: The vocabulary employed is one that has become familiar to the ear although it is seldom seen on the printed page. In other words this volume contains a shameless amount of slang. If any part of it is unintelligible to the reader he should be glad that he has escaped what seems to be an epidemic.

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Page 18 - As he walked homeward in the Dusk he passed the Clubs and Cafes where those who Drank were rounding up and he felt sorry for them. "Why can't they pass it up, the same as I do?" he asked himself. "Ah, if only they knew how much more Fun it is to be Respectable." It was an actual Mystery to him that any one could dally with a Dry Martini while there was a Hydrant on every Corner. On the third Day he was cracking his Whip and begging People to get up on the Wagon with him. And he said it was a Queer...
Page 21 - Lady who invariably was first over the Fence in the Mad Pursuit of Culture.
Page 96 - Recoveries ; a Friend who is very Near and Dear may in Time become as useless as a Relative...
Page 130 - Besides you are not Equipped. You have not been to Yale. Your Father is not a StockHolder. You are not engaged to a Trust. Get back to your High Stool and whatever Archibald wants to know, you tell him.
Page 48 - So when the Case came up for Trial, the Runt led the august Jim into the Court Room and introduced him as Associate Counsel. A Murmur of Admiration ran throughout the Assemblage when Jim showed his Commanding Figure, a Law Book under his Arm and a look of Heavy Responsibility on his Face. Old Atlas, who carries the Globe on his Shoulders, did not seem to be in it with this grand and gloomy Stranger. For two hours Jim had been rehearsing his Speech. He arose. " Your Honor,
Page 23 - It is proper to enjoy the Cheaper Grades of Art, but they should not be formally...
Page 50 - Then he would relapse and throw on a Socrates frown and the other side would go all to pieces. Every time Jim cleared his throat, you could hear a pin drop. There was no getting away from the dominating influence of the master mind. The jury was out only ten minutes. When the verdict was rendered, the false alarm stood in awful silence and permitted the judge and others to shake him by the hand.
Page 47 - Ham or Bacon with his Eggs. Jim had the Bulk and the awe-inspiring Front. As long as he held to a Napoleonic Silence he could carry out the Bluff. Little Boys tip-toed when they came near him, and Maiden Ladies sighed for an introduction. Nothing but a Post - Mortem Examination would have shown Jim up in his True Light.
Page 194 - When he was still a Young Man he made the Important Discovery that the honest Laborer who digs Post-Holes for 11 Hours at a Stretch gets $1.25 in the Currency of the Realm, while the Brain-Worker who leads out a Spavined Horse and puts in 20 Minutes at tall Bunko Work, can clean up $14.50 and then sit on the Porch all Afternoon, reading "The Lives of the Saints.
Page 201 - The Fable of the Back Trackers from the Hot Sidewalks; The Fable of the Speedy Sprite; The Fable of What Transpires After the Wind-Up; The Fable of the Uplifter and His Dandy Little Opus; The Dream Doll; Sadie Goes to Heaven.

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