Rules for Aging: Resist Normal Impulses, Live Longer, Attain Perfection

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Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2000 - Humor - 148 pages
Acclaimed and beloved prize-winning essayist Roger Rosenblatt has commented on most of the trends and events of our time. His columns in Time magazine and his commentaries on PBS's NewsHour with Jim Lehrer have made him a household word and a trusted friend of millions. Now, at the dawn of a new millennium, Rosenblatt offers the American people a survival manual-fifty-four gems of funny, brilliant, wise, indispensable advice. It doesn't matter: Whatever you think matters-doesn't. Follow this rule, and it will add decades to your life. It does not matter if you are late, or early; if you are having a bad hair day, or a no hair day; if your boss looks at you cockeyed, or if you are cockeyed; if you don't get that promotion, or if you do. It doesn't matter. Nobody is thinking about you: Yes, I know, you are certain that your friends are becoming your enemies; that your grocer, garbageman, clergyman, sister-in-law, and your dog are all of the opinion that you have put on weight. You are also sure that everyone spends two-thirds of every day commenting on your moral disintegration, denigrating your work, plotting your murder. I promise you: Nobody is thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves-just like you. A book to savor, a book to keep, and a book for all ages.
 

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LibraryThing Review

User Review  - m.belljackson - LibraryThing

Published in 2000, Rules has aged well. It offers light and pleasurable and rewarding reading beginning with Rosenblatt's first, and likely most enduring and important Rule: "It doesn't matter." This ... Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - Cheryl_in_CC_NV - LibraryThing

Drivel. Like the first year of a bad blog. Many rules contradicted each other. Many were obviously dismissed by the author himself, the book being evidence. Many are mean-spirited. If one has lived to ... Read full review

Selected pages

Contents

It doesnt matter
1
Nobody is thinking about you
3
Let bad enough alone
5
Ignore your enemy or kill him
11
Boo yourself off the stage
15
Yes you did
17
After the age of 30 it is unseemly to blame ones parents for ones life
19
If something is boring you it is probably you
21
Do not attempt to improve anyone especially when you know it will help
81
If they tell you that its a long shotit is
83
Never bring news of slander to a friend
85
Its not about you
87
Never say any of the following
91
If you want to keep a man honest never call him a liar
93
The waitress is not waiting for you
95
Push the wheel forward
97

Stay clear of anyoneother than a clergymanwho refers to God more than once in an hour
23
Swine rules
25
Listen for the word Great
29
Listen for the question What are you talking about?
31
Appearance is frequently reality
33
Be not witty neither shalt thou be clever
35
Pursue virtue but dont sweat it
41
Do not go to your left
45
Everyones work is magnificent
49
Consult everyone on everything and dont forget to send ingratiating notes
51
Strife is better than loneliness
55
And loneliness is better than Eggs Benedict
57
Male and female compatibility rules
59
Run when you hear any of the following in a sentence
61
Never miss an opportunity to do nothing
63
Do not go for Cyranos nose
65
That couldnt be a book
69
Do not keep company with people who speak of careers
71
Just because the person who criticizes you is an idiot doesnt make him wrong
73
Never go to a cocktail party and in any case do not stay more than 20 minutes
75
Envy no oneever
77
Believe everyonealways
79
Dress for duress
101
A long and happy life lasts five minutes
103
Never work for anyone more insecure than yourself
105
The unexamined life lasts longer
107
No they dontand so what?
109
Abjure fame but avoid obscurity
111
Fast and steady wins the race
115
To thine own self be trueunless you would like to be someone else
117
Culture rules
119
If its just a teenyweeny bit wrongdestroy it
121
Never think on vacation
123
Change no more than oneeighth of your life at a time
125
Expect gratitude from everybody for everything
127
Live in the past but dont remember too much
129
Never do it for the money
131
Remember the Amana
133
If you are strange enough they will come
135
Never light the fire from the top
137
The game is played away from the ball
139
Apologize reconcile give help
141
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