Sexcapades by the Decades: The Twenties

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SEXCAPADES BY THE DECADES is a very personal memoir of the true, real-life sexploits of a young aspiring adventurous superspy coming of age sexually in Pensacola, Florida in the early 1970s. Writing under the pseudonym of Dicky Galore, recounting his steamy(and slutty)sexploits in blunt and explicit detail, he draws parallels between his sexploits and the corresponding releases through the decades of the Eon Productions Ltd. movie sagas of super secret agent James Bond 007. In this first exciting installment, covering his thrilling twenties-criss-crossing the state of Florida with a detour to Washington, D.C., -in frank and graphic terms he comments upon the times, the films, the girls-and the sex! And when it comes to aspiring superspy sexploits, Dicky Galore DELIVERS and is even BIGGER, BETTER AND WAY BEYOND BOND! And he'll be BACK with a tell-all prequel and two sensational sequels

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Which has prompted my retort:
You assume too much, sir. It seems that you feel that the older generation has a monopoly on colorful vocabulary words such as "youngun". It would probably also surprise
you that I regularly integrate the words "spectacles", "ragamuffin", and "supermarket" into my everyday speech. Life is too short to use the same words all the time. I was raised (by my grandmother) to appreciate words and the english language, and as such, my vocabulary is quite rich, indeed. Maybe it makes me seem older, but I assure you, I'm not. I just turned 31, which means I was born in the early 80's and am therefore far too young to make an appearance in this book or the next (which I have not read and have no plans to do so).
That other review isn't mine. If I was going to respond, I would do so openly, as I am now. I'm only using my secondary account now because there wasn't room to add my reply to my original review. So that other reviewer agrees with me... This most likely means that I made a good point. It doesn't mean that I invented a persona to impress or convince you, oh anonymous responder.
The phrase "know thine enemy" comes to mind. I could bring up several instances of people studying something they hated, mainly in order to defeat it. The Count of Monte Cristo, Inigo Montoya in Princess Bride, Mean Girls. I have no interest in defeating this book or its author, but it fascinated me. How could such a terrible piece of writing be published? Once I realized that the author had essentially self-published, it made sense. Then I studied sentence structure and content and noticed the ridiculous repetition of phrases and abbreviations. I read the first Twilight book the same way. I hated it so much because it was so horribly written and lacked any real substance but I read it anyway because it was a gift from my boss, I was bored at work, and I was trying to see why it was loved by millions. Not everyone puts a thing down if it is terrible. If that was the case there would have never been cures for any of the nasty diseases mankind has suffered through and defeated throughout history. Insects, bears, snakes, and other dangerous and "scary" creatures would still be mostly unknown to us. Sporting games would have no specific strategic plays, based on who is playing. Your assumption that I studied this book and therefore must love it or be involved somehow- flawed logic.
I read terrible books from the mindset of a scientist and a writer. This doesn't mean that I am one of Mr. Galore's sizable harem. This doesn't mean that he jilted me or that I am seeking revenge or whatever it is that you assume I am doing here. I'm a book enthusiast who was stuck holding this book like the person with the hot potato once the song has ended. I wanted to share my findings and warn others.
Oh, and my final point: yes, I revisit this review periodically because it is the only one I have bothered to write, and since I posted it on my facebook timeline, I come back across it every time I clear out my wall. I honestly have been revisiting to see if Dicky Galore himself would have some angry retort for me. Quite frankly, after reading your responses, I'm starting to think he has. You are mighty impassioned about my words, sir, although your writing style doesn't quite match his.
Think as you will, it doesn't hurt me in any way; but you're wrong.
 

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This is, without question, the worst book I have ever read in my entire life. Mr. Galore sent a promotional copy of this book upon publication to the office of the college newspaper at UWF. My husband was on the staff at the time (as was Mr. Galore in the 1970s). I think he was hoping for a review... It has taken me several years to be able to write it, but now, finally, here it is.
Sexcapades by the Decade: The Twenties is the tedious, poorly edited account of the unbelievably long list of women that the author apparently banged during his twenties. Although Mr. Galore's grasp of the English language is impressive, he really has no idea how to properly utilize it. He repeats the same phrases over and over. My favorites include "thickset thighs", "scanty panties", "prong", and the breathlessly delivered "you're so good!".
No, Mr. Galore, you're not.
I've read this book probably four times now. I can only read a few pages at a time, but I pick it up regularly and laugh at how utterly stupid it is. I sometimes read snippets to anyone who has the rotten luck of being nearby, but then throw it back down in disgust shortly thereafter. The editing is nonexistent. It was written in newspaper justification so that one line may have 25 words crammed together with no spacing and the next line has 6 words total, all spread far apart. It's madness.
Here are some highlights of this book. Dicky Galore idolizes Sir Roger Moore as James Bond. He calls himself "an aspiring superspy" and starts each chapter with a description of a different Bond movie. Occasionally he recounts a pointless story of how he himself escaped the clutches of death (either in a car crash or bicycling away from some idiots in a pickup truck). He never, ever, ever uses abbreviations without reminding you, in case you forgot, what they stand for. He uses the phrases "private dormitory room", "semi-private dormitory room", and "so-called" with great, obnoxious vigor. Seriously, man, we get it. He goes on a hilarious long-winded tangent about his first wife. Every time he refers to her she is known as the "crazed Cuban-American witch, Elizabeth". Every. Time. He recounts unnecessary details about each sexual encounter and includes ridiculous quotes about his prowess from each woman.
The craziest and funniest part of this book is when, near the end, Dicky Galore rants about birth control, pregnancy, condoms and STDs. He is an outspoken opponent of all these things. He calls AIDS a "terroristic sexual SCARE" and claims that he has never in his life worn a condom. He briefly touches on whether or not size matters (apparently it does). Other random closing topics include: Sean Connery, John Travolta, Nixon, masturbation (hint: he is against it), and sexual dysfunction. This book, my friends, has it all.
I really haven't even begun to do this book justice. I'm sure it would become a cult-classic if it was even a tiny bit better, but since it reads like a technical manual, it will never find an audience. If you have a taste for the terrible (and by terrible, I really mean AWFUL), by all means, order this literary travesty. However, if you have even a shred of intellect, don't waste your time. I'm so glad I didn't pay for it.
UPDATE:
Of course I studied this book. I'm a collector of the awful and this book was a fascinating character study of the mind of a narcissist. I shared this book with some of my other intelligent friends in the same way people taste something horrible and say "this is awful, you gotta try some." Some things are just too repugnant to experience alone. This book is one of those things. And no, I do not know the author and I'm not one of the jilted lovers, luckily. I wasn't even born when these events transpired. I'm still a youngun.
 

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