Sideways in Neverland: Life in the Santa Ynez Valley, California

Front Cover
iUniverse, Jul 28, 2005 - Comics & Graphic Novels - 328 pages
The "Neverland Valley-Welcome" sign depicts a little boy, bending over to talk to a troll. Peter Pan was playing at the packed eighty-seat, 7,000 square-foot theatre. Popcorn and drinks were dished up gratis to the mobs at the concession stand. On-screen, Captain Hook had ten wide-eyed children in white nightshirts bound and gagged, about to be fed to the crocodile. Nearby, amid the rides, a band was taking a break. Beat It thumped loudly from hidden speakers. A circus-like tent houses the bumper cars, where jubilant lads, faces flushed with excitement, rammed each other with enthusiasm.

I freely admitted, there was no doubt that allegations of child molestation had hurt Jackson in this community. Where wouldn't such charges resonate? Sodom and Gomorrah?

***

What did Michael Jackson's neighbors really think of him, or the other famous residents of the rural California wine country made famous by Sideways? Just two hours from Los Angeles, the honorable Old West lives on, with cowboys and Indians, a Danish village, stars, surfers, and more.

***

"Though this is not truly a guidebook, Etling tips readers to wildflower fields, surfing spots, cave paintings and museums. Readers will forget Sideways and head south to eat with cowboys and celebrities at the Longhorn Cafe, watch a missile launch at Vandenberg Air Force Base and ski on Figueroa Mountain."

San Francisco Chronicle

 

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Contents

The Fuss About Fess Makes The Wall Street Journal
87
Reservations About Tribal Annexations
93
Rural Ranchers Speak Out
104
West Pointer Katie Smyser
111
For Whom The Bale Tolls
121
Mission Santa InÚs
133
Lost ArtCave Paintings of the Chumash
141
Cowboy Up With Jake Copass
149

The Return of the KingLance Armstrongs Last Ride
27
Rain
32
Wildflowers
34
Her Side Of the Mountain
36
Surfs Up
39
Surf Turf
40
Forgive Us Our TrespassesCowboys vs JBoyz
42
A Global Surfari
43
The Bachelor Andrew Firestone
50
The Green Mile
53
Danish Resistance Heroes
55
Day in the Life of a Realtor
57
Of Gophers Rural Peril The Meaning of Life
60
Edward Borein
62
Do The Rancheros Visitadores Rule America?
64
Was Clarence Mattei Robbed?
66
The Past is Not Dead
68
President Reagan Looks Down On the Danes
70
Saddlemaker To The Stars
73
David Crosby Noah Wyle Bo Derek Rip Community Plan
79
Foxen Canyon Hosts Camp Jeep
155
The Way We WereSolvang Circa 1961
162
Summertime and the Living is Easy
171
Its Never Too Late To Honor Heroes
177
The Happy Canyon Boys and the Secret of the Old Shaft
184
On the Viking Trail
190
Solvang Citizens
196
U S S Yorktown Sailor Lauren Walter
205
Americans Are Trailer Trash
211
The Vanishing Vaquero Legacy
219
The Vandenberg Air Force Base Odyssey
225
Its A Small World But It Has Big Tornados
236
If I Could Turn Back TimeAn Orphans Christmas
241
A New Torah Scroll
247
Annual Review
259
Love Spare TiresBringing It All Back Home
265
ConclusionEqual Opportunity Developer Bashers
275
A Valley History
281
Copyright

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Page vi - THE sea is calm to-night. The tide is full, the moon lies fair Upon the straits; — on the French coast the light Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand, Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Page vi - Ah, love, let us be true To one another! for the world, which seems To lie before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light, Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain; And we are here as on a darkling plain Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, Where ignorant armies clash by night.
Page vi - Listen! you hear the grating roar Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, At their return, up the high strand, Begin, and cease, and then again begin, With tremulous cadence slow, and bring The eternal note of sadness in. Sophocles long ago Heard it on the AEgean, and it brought Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow Of human misery; we Find also in the sound a thought, Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

About the author (2005)

William Etling moved to the Santa Ynez Valley in 1966, at age 13. He is a graduate of Santa Ynez High, and the University of California at Santa Barbara.

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