"Speaking of Operations--"

Front Cover
George H. Doran Company, 1915 - American wit and humor - 64 pages
Article from The Saturday Evening Post, Nov. 6, 1915, vol. 188, no. 19.
 

What people are saying - Write a review

We haven't found any reviews in the usual places.

Other editions - View all

Common terms and phrases

Popular passages

Page 22 - Z's place. As soon as I was inside his outer hallway I realized that I was nearing the presence of one highly distinguished in his profession. A pussy-footed male attendant, in a livery that made him look like a cross between a headwaiter and an undertaker's assistant, escorted me through an anteroom into a...
Page 58 - Somebody succeeded in transferring the interior department of a pelican to a pointer pup, and vice versa, with such success that the pup drowned while diving for minnows, and the pelican went out in the back yard and barked himself to death baying at the moon, I am interested naturally; but, possibly because of my ignorance, I fail to see wherein the treatment of infantile paralysis has been materially advanced. On the other hand, I would rather the kind and gentle Belgian hare should be offered...
Page 36 - Now when I look back on it I laugh, but it is a hollow laugh and there is no real merriment in it. Indeed, almost from the moment of my entrance little things began to come up that were calculated to have a depressing effect on one's spirits. Downstairs a serious-looking lady met me and entered in a book a number of salient facts regarding my personality which the previous investigators had somehow overlooked. There is a lot of bookkeeping about an operation. This detail attended to, a young man,...
Page 63 - Dropping in one morning to replace the wrappings Doctor Z said I might smoke in moderation. So the nurse brought me a cigar, and I lit it and took one deep puff; but only one. I laid it aside. I said to the nurse: "A mistake has been made here. I do not want a cooking cigar, you understand. I desire a cigar for personal use. This one is full of herbs and simples, I think. It suggests a New England boiled dinner, and not a very good New England boiled dinner at that. Let us try again.
Page 29 - And before I realized that practically the whole affair had been settled I was outside the consultation-room in a small private hall, and the secretary was telling me further details would be conveyed to me by mail. I went home in a dazed state. For the first time I was beginning to learn something about an industry in which heretofore I had never been interested. Especially was I struck by the difference now revealed to me in the preliminary stages of the surgeons...
Page 29 - yes-yes-yes! Operation required. Small matter — hum, hum! Let's see — this is Tuesday? Quite so. Do it Friday! Friday at" — he glanced toward a scribbled pad of engagement dates at his elbow — "Friday at seven AM No; make it sevenfifteen. Have important tumor case at seven. St. Germicide's Hospital. You know the place? — up on Umpty-umph Street. Go
Page 45 - I was not in a balloon — I myself was the balloon, which was not quite so pleasant. Besides Doctor Z was going along as a passenger ; and as we traveled up and up he kept jabbing me in the midriff with the ferrule of a large umbrella which he had brought along with him in case of rain. He jabbed me harder and harder. I remonstrated with him. I told him I was a bit tender in that locality and the ferrule of his umbrella was sharp. He would not listen. He kept on jabbing me. . . . Something broke...
Page 17 - He carried his calomel about with him in a fruit jar, and when there was a cutting job he stropped his scalpel on his bootleg. You see, in those primitive times germs had not been invented yet, and so he did not have to take any steps to avoid them. Now we know that loose, luxuriant whiskers are unsanitary, because they make such fine winter quarters for germs; so, though the doctors still wear whiskers, they do not wear them wild and waving. In the profession bosky whiskers are taboo; they must...
Page 18 - In the profession bosky whiskers are taboo; they must 117] be landscaped. And since it is a recognized fact that germs abhor orderliness and straight lines they now go elsewhere to reside, and the doctor may still retain his traditional aspect and yet be practically germproof. Doctor X was trimmed in accordance with the ethics of the newer school. He had trellis whiskers. So I went to see him at his offices in a fashionable district, on an expensive side street. Before reaching him I passed through...
Page 61 - I could hardly wait. I had visions of a tenderloin steak smothered in fried onions, and some French-fried potatoes, and a tall table-limit stack of wheat cakes, and a few other incidental comfits and kickshaws. I could hardly wait for that meal. The next day came and she brought it to me, and I partook thereof. It was the white of an egg. For dessert I licked a stamp; but this [48] I did clandestinely and by stealth, without saying anything about it to her.

Bibliographic information