"Speaking of Operations--"

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George H. Doran Company, 1915 - American wit and humor - 64 pages
High quality reprint of Speaking of Operations by Irvin S. Cobb.
 

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Page 28 - From this point on everything passed off in a most businesslike manner. He reached into a filing cabinet and took out an exhibit, which I recognized as the same one his secretary had filled out in the early part of the century. So I was already in the card-index class. Then briefly he looked over the manifest that Doctor X had sent him. It may not have been a manifest— it may have been an invoice or a bill of lading. Anyhow, I was in the assignee's hands. I could only hope it would not eventually...
Page 22 - Z's place. As soon as I was inside his outer hallway I realized that I was nearing the presence of one highly distinguished in his profession. A pussy-footed male attendant, in a livery that made him look like a cross between a headwaiter and an undertaker's assistant, escorted me through an anteroom into a...
Page 58 - Somebody succeeded in transferring the interior department of a pelican to a pointer pup, and vice versa, with such success that the pup drowned while diving for minnows, and the pelican went out in the back yard and barked himself to death baying at the moon, I am interested naturally; but, possibly because of my ignorance, I fail to see wherein the treatment of infantile paralysis has been materially advanced. On the other hand, I would rather the kind and gentle Belgian hare should be offered...
Page 42 - ... hitch; no delay of any kind. We were certainly out of luck that trip. The demon of a joyrider who operated the accursed device jerked a lever and up we soared at a distressingly high rate of speed. If I could have had my way about that youth he would have been arrested for speeding. Now we were there! They rolled me into a large room, all white, with a rounded ceiling like the inside of an egg. Right away I knew what the feelings of a poor, lonely little yolk are when the spoon begins to chip...
Page 36 - Now when I look back on it I laugh, but it is a hollow laugh and there is no real merriment in it. Indeed, almost from the moment of my entrance little things began to come up that were calculated to have a depressing effect on one's spirits. Downstairs a serious-looking lady met me and entered in a book a number of salient facts regarding my personality which the previous investigators had somehow overlooked. There is a lot of bookkeeping about an operation. This detail attended to, a young man,...
Page 63 - Dropping in one morning to replace the wrappings Doctor Z said I might smoke in moderation. So the nurse brought me a cigar, and I lit it and took one deep puff; but only one. I laid it aside. I said to the nurse: "A mistake has been made here. I do not want a cooking cigar, you understand. I desire a cigar for personal use. This one is full of herbs and simples, I think. It suggests a New England boiled dinner, and not a very good New England boiled dinner at that. Let us try again.
Page 29 - And before I realized that practically the whole affair had been settled I was outside the consultation-room in a small private hall, and the secretary was telling me further details would be conveyed to me by mail. I went home in a dazed state. For the first time I was beginning to learn something about an industry in which heretofore I had never been interested. Especially was I struck by the difference now revealed to me in the preliminary stages of the surgeons...
Page 45 - I was not in a balloon — I myself was the balloon, which was not quite so pleasant. Besides Doctor Z was going along as a passenger ; and as we traveled up and up he kept jabbing me in the midriff with the ferrule of a large umbrella which he had brought along with him in case of rain. He jabbed me harder and harder. I remonstrated with him. I told him I was a bit tender in that locality and the ferrule of his umbrella was sharp. He would not listen. He kept on jabbing me. . . . Something broke...
Page 17 - I remembered his name, and remembered, too, that he had impressed me at the. time [16] as being a person of character and decision and scholarly attainments. He wore whiskers. Somehow in my mind whiskers are ever associated with medical skill. I presume this is a heritage of my youth, though I believe others labor under the same impression. As I look back it seems to me that in childhood's days all the doctors in our town wore whiskers. I recall one old doctor down there in Kentucky who was practically...
Page 18 - In the profession bosky whiskers are taboo; they must 117] be landscaped. And since it is a recognized fact that germs abhor orderliness and straight lines they now go elsewhere to reside, and the doctor may still retain his traditional aspect and yet be practically germproof. Doctor X was trimmed in accordance with the ethics of the newer school. He had trellis whiskers. So I went to see him at his offices in a fashionable district, on an expensive side street. Before reaching him I passed through...

About the author (1915)

Irvin Shrewsbury Cobb was born on June 23, 1876 in Paducah, Kentucky. He was educated in public and private elementary schools an had intentions of getting a law degree when his grandfather died and his father was an alcoholic, so he pursued a writing career instead. Cobb is the author of more than 60 books and 300 short stories. He started in journalism on the Paducah Daily News at age seventeen, and became the nation's youngest managing news editor at nineteen. He later worked at the Louisville Evening Post for a year and a half. His anecdotal memoir "Exit Laughing," includes a firsthand account of the assassination of Kentucky Governor William Goebel in 1900 and the trials of his killers. Several of Cobb's stories were made into silent films. When Cobb died in New York City in 1944, his body was sent to Paducah for cremation. His ashes were placed under a dogwood tree. The granite boulder marking his remains is inscribed "Irvin Shrewsbury Cobb 1876-1944 Back Home".

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