Taking Space: How to Use Separation to Explore the Future of Your Relationship

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CharLer Publishing, 2006 - Family & Relationships - 320 pages
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With the high rate of divorce and breakups, marriage and family experts point to the fact that people don't learn from the mistakes of a failed relationship and assume the next relationship will be better, making little effort to fix or understand what didn't work. There are plenty of self-help books for committed couples on how to enrich a marriage and scores of guidebooks on how to manage through a divorce, but very few focus on partners with differing degrees of commitment where the separation process itself is viewed as an opportunity for self-growth.Taking Space: How to Use Separations to Explore the Future of Your Relationship provides struggling couples and individuals with a step-by-step process for managing separations. This model allows people to view and use separations as a proactive way to get space, reduce conflict, and focus on self-growth. This method can even work with a non-cooperating partner. This problem-solving road map teaches partners how to design a separation plan that addresses their specific issues by pinpointing 10 essential tasks necessary to maneuver through an often highly stressful experience. The steps are applied through real-life couple situations. Skills, techniques, and coping strategies to empower individuals to overcome feelings of helplessness and victim thinking help create choices where none have been seen previously.Once partners have the tools and time to manage psychological and/or physical separations, they are often better able to make an informed decision about the future of their relationship. Taking Space helps couples use separation to learn, develop, and then recommit to their relationship with adjusted expectations, perspectives, skills, and a stronger sense of themselves.
 

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Contents

Introduction
1
Managing the Crises or Conflict
9
Relationship Conflict Scale
11
Ground Rules for Talking
17
Communicating with Your Self and Your Partner
33
Psychological Structure of an Individual
52
TA Applied to Couples
58
Fair Fighting Guidelines
68
Deciding on the Terms of Your Separation
127
Terms of Separation
128
Talking and Dealing with Children
152
CoparentingNo Conflict Sample Agreement
154
Carrying Out Your Decision to Separate
181
Developing Clarifying and Changing Goals
205
CopingGrieving Graph
213
Evaluating Your Goals
239

Defining the Initial Goals and Purposes
73
Relationship InvestmentCommitment Scale
76
Choosing the Type of Separation
96
Types of Separations
97
Qualities of Separation
110
Making Decisions
273
Conclusion
307
Appendix a RelaxationMeditation Exercise
313
Suggested Reading
319
Copyright

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About the author (2006)

Robert J Buchicchio, LICSW, DCSW, has conducted couples workshops throughout his professional career. He has taught at Vermont College and Norwich University; was the executive director of the West Yavapai Mental Health Clinic in Prescott, AZ; and was the chief social worker at the US Army Hospital in Seoul, South Korea.

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