That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships

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Harper Collins, Jul 5, 2011 - Family & Relationships - 224 pages
6 Reviews

At home, on the job, in a personal relationship, it's often not what you say but how you say it that counts.

Deborah Tannen revolutionized our thinking about relationships between women and men in her #1 bestseller You Just Don't Understand. In That's Not What I Meant!, the internationally renowned sociolinguist and expert on communication demonstrates how our conversational signals—voice level, pitch and intonation, rhythm and timing, even the simple turns of phrase we choose—are powerful factors in the success or failure of any relationship. Regional speech characteristics, ethnic and class backgrounds, age, and individual personality all contribute to diverse conversational styles that can lead to frustration and misplaced blame if ignored—but provide tools to improve relationships if they are understood.

At once eye-opening, astute, and vastly entertaining, Tannen's classic work on interpersonal communication will help you to hear what isn't said and to recognize how your personal conversational style meshes or clashes with others. It will give you a new understanding of communication that will enable you to make the adjustments that can save a conversation . . . or a relationship.

 

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LibraryThing Review

User Review  - lycomayflower - LibraryThing

Does what it says on the tin. A somewhat interesting look at how individual ways of speaking can cause and exasperate misunderstandings in conversation. Only somewhat interesting because it reads like ... Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - RajivC - LibraryThing

I read this book through reasonably fast, and the only reason why I could do this, was because the book was written in a manner that is easy to read. The points that she raised are fantastic, and I ... Read full review

Contents

THE WORKINGS OF CONVERSATIONAL srvuz
29
CONVERSATXONAL SIGNALS AND DEVICES
45
WHY we 1oNr SAY WHAT we MEAN
65
FRAMING AND REFRAMING
82
IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS
119
THE INTIMATE GRITIC
152
WHAT YOU CAN AND CANT
175
NoTEs
201
INDEX
209
Copyright

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About the author (2011)

Deborah Tannen is Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Her books include the New York Times bestsellers You Just Don't Understand, You're Wearing THAT?, Talking from 9 to 5, and You Were Always Mom's Favorite!. She has written for and been featured in numerous major newspapers and magazines, including the New York Times, Newsweek, USA Today, the Washington Post, and Time.

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