Tourists, Retirees, and Other Reasons to Stay in Bed

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Pineapple Press Inc, 2000 - Humor - 156 pages

David Grimes's humor column runs three times a week in the Sarasota Herald Tribune. David began writing his humor column in 1985 when it became clear that he had no talent for other, more useful jobs at the paper. David has gleaned a lifetime of wisdom from his 25 years as a Florida resident and offers us his sage advice on topics such as these:

  • Granny sweat boosts health
  • How to read a real-estate guide
  • Fending off fruit fiends
  • And many more.
 

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Contents

Are Our Retirees in Retreat?
3
Be Kind to the Canadians
6
Canadian Radio Redux
10
Granny Sweat Boosts Health
13
Endless Summer Begins Again
17
Panic in Florida
19
How to Read a Real Estate Guide
22
Though Often Confused Retirees Love Bugs Differ
26
Scratch Another Mascot
83
This Is Your Dog on Drugs
86
Weighing In on Snooty
89
A Real Dog of a Lawsuit
92
Alarming Medical News
95
Bad Hair Days Not So Bad
96
Columns Pose a Health Hazard
99
Go Ahead America Blow Those Noses
102

Too Slow Too Ugly Too Many Tourists
29
Life in Florida
33
Best to Just Say Nothing
34
Church Bulletin Writers Need Forgiveness
37
Bonding Over Garlic Bread
40
Drowning in a Sea of Juice
43
Fending Off Fruit Fiends
46
How to Write a Juicy Story
49
Let the Feds Cut Your Grass
52
Mickeys Little Secret
55
Oranges on Plates a Fruitless Idea
58
Oldsters Flock to West Virginia
61
No 2 Whines Harder
64
Critters
67
Along Came a Spider
68
Gators Got It Rought
71
Here Lizard Lizard
74
Hey Buddy Wanna Buy a Beetle?
77
Pest Is a FourLetter Word
80
Stop Watching Martha Stewart
105
Thanks for the Intestines
108
The Dirt on Office Bathrooms
113
What Ice Cream Says About You
116
Holidaze
119
Accidents Happen on Valentines Day
120
Gobble Gobble BowWowWow
123
Have a Jolly Gourd Time
126
Holiday Lights to Laugh At
129
How to Increase Holiday Bickering
132
Nothing Like the Real Thing
135
Party On Pilgrim Dudes
138
Santa Says Take This Quiz
141
The Big Flying Reindeer Debate
145
Trick or Treat Trauma
148
Valentines Day is Scarier Than Halloween
151
What Lassie Wants for Christmas
154
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