You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

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Andrews McMeel Publishing, Jan 1, 2009 - Humor - 240 pages
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You Are Worthless is the self-help book from hell. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful "inspirational self-help" books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as "Your Good-for-Nothing Friends," "Your Miserable Job," and "Life: What's the Use".

This hilarious parody collects hundreds of tidbits of painful reality such as "You're no good, you're not great-looking, and you're going to die someday and it's probably going to hurt." Who among us isn't sick to death of the gushy, new-agey inspirational books that blindly assert that everyone is worthy? We all know the truth, and this book is as refreshing as a slap to the face.

Just some of the depressingly humorous nuggets of truth include:

* You don't really have any outstanding qualities. It's safe to say you're pretty much just like everybody else.

* The only reason your pet likes you is because you feed it.

* As you get older, you are going to have less and less control over your bladder.

* If you take a big risk and follow your dream, chances are you're going to fall flat on your face.

You Are Worthless also features a section called "Hopeless Role Models from History," including Helen Keller ("I've had it"), and Abraham Lincoln ("The only thing I'm good at is losing").


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About the author (2009)

Author Scott Dikkers (writing as Dr. Oswald T. Pratt) is one of the guiding lights behind The Onion, the satirical newsweekly. He is the creator of the quirky Jim's Journal, and the coauthor of Our Dumb Century, The Onion's look at the news of the 20th century. He lives in Madison, Wisconsin. For a refreshing blast of humor, try a little attitude with You Are Worthless.

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