You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News: Shocking but Utterly True Facts

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Penguin, Dec 28, 2010 - Humor - 320 pages
10 Reviews
From the most-read humor site on the internet, Cracked.com

YOU MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE…
 
You're going to wish you never picked up this book.

Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:

* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.
* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.
* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.
* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.
* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.

If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in YOU MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE from the twisted minds at Cracked.
 

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User Review  - chellisimcosky - Overstock.com

I am a huge fan of xxxxx so when I heard they published a book I had to have it. I checked pricing out at stores and online of course Overstock had the best price with shipping. Great read and fun to reread as you have time! Read full review

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This is one of my favourite books

Contents

2 CRYPTOMNESIA
1 SUBCONSCIOUS BEHAVIOR AKA BEST GUESSING
5 BEER BOTTLE OVER THE HEAD
4 THE TWIST WITH YOUR HANDSLEGS NECK BREAK
3 THE STANDING ARMBREAK
1 ALMOST ANY KICK YOUVE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE
5 SEX ON THE BEACH
4 IN A POOL

1 PINK
4 ANDREW JACKSON
3 JOHN F KENNEDY
2 GEORGE WASHINGTON
1 THEODORE ROOSEVELT
5 TIM BURTON DID NOT DIRECT TIM BURTONS THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
4 GEORGE HARRISONS GUITAR DIDNT WEEP ON WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS
2 BARRY MANILOW DID NOT WRITE I WRITE THE SONGS
1 ORSON WELLES DID NOT WRITE CITIZEN KANE
6 THE CARNAGE
5 THE FECES
4 THE PLACENTA
2 THE FETAL MONITORING
1 THE BILL
5 OWNING A SWIMMING POOL
4 USING A SLIP N SLIDE
3 GOING TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK
2 JUMPING ON A TRAMPOLINE
1 PLAYING ON INFLATABLE STRUCTURES
5 A BEAUTIFUL MIND
4 THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
3 LEAN ON ME
1 THE HURRICANE
6 LAUNCH HEADFIRST THROUGH A WINDSHIELD
5 GET SHOT INTO OUTER SPACE BY NASA
4 HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
1 STAR IN A GEORGE CLOONEY MOVIE
5 COLUMBUS DISCOVERED THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND
4 EINSTEIN FLUNKED MATH
2 WASHINGTON AND THE CHERRY TREE
1 BENJAMIN FRANKLIN THE KITE AND THE THUNDERSTORM
6 HIPPOPOTAMUS HIPPOPOTAMUS AMPHIBIUS
5 DUCKBILLED PLATYPUS ORNITHORHYNCHUS ANATINUS
4 DINGO CANIS LUPUS DINGO
3 CHIMPANZEE PAN TROGLODYTES
1 BOTTLENOSE DOLPHIN TURSIOPS TRUNCATUS
DRAGONMASTER
4 JESUS TAKES POOLS OF WATER VERY SERIOUSLY
3 JESUS CHRIST UP AND WASTES SOME KID
SNAKE EXPLODER
6 BABY MICE WINE
5 CASU MARZU
4 ESCAMOLES
3 LUTEFISK
1 BALUT
5 THE CASE OF THE NUCLEAR SUNBEAMS VS THE IRONBALLED RUSSIAN
4 THE CASE OF THE TEST SWITCH AND THE MISSING JIMMY
3 THE CASE OF THE BROKEN NUCLEAR ANSWERING MACHINE
2 THE CASE OF THE NUCLEAR PLAYDATE
1 THE CASE OF THE URSINE SUPERVILLAIN
6 BACK TO THE FUTURE
5 RETURN OF THE JEDI
4 SUPERMAN RETURNS
3 JACK
2 THE MATRIX TRILOGY
1 TOY STORY 3
5 GALILEO GALILEI
4 ALEXANDER FLEMING
3 ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL
2 ALBERT EINSTEIN
1 THOMAS EDISON
5 YOU ONLY USE 10 PERCENT OF YOUR BRAIN
3 MEN THINK ABOUT SEX EVERY SIX SECONDS
1 CHRISTMAS CAUSES SUICIDE
4 BALL LIGHTNING CANNON
3 DEEP DIGGER
2 THE SUN GUN
1 THE VORTEX CANNON
4 FRANCIS CRICK DISCOVERS DNA THANKS TO LSD
3 FREUD AND COCAINE INVENT PSYCHOANALYSIS
2 A COKE ADDICT MAKES A COKEFLAVORED COLA AND CALLS IT COKE
1 DOCK ELLIS TRIPS HIS WAY TO A NOHITTER
MONSTER FROM THE DEEP
THE GODBEAR
THE LAND CROCODILE
MANEATING EAGLE
5 CHANGE BLINDNESS
4 SACCADIC MASKING
3 PROPRIOCEPTION
3 IN A CAR
1 THE WOODS
5 ART
4 MARY HARTS VOICE
3 HULA HOOPS
1 THE INTERNET
4 EXERCISING
3 HALF OF THE FOUR MAJOR FOOD GROUPS
2 GETTING EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP EVERY NIGHT
1 THE GODDAMN FOOD PYRAMID
INTERSPECIES SEX PLAY CANNIBALISM
PRINCE PEDOPHILE MORE CANNIBALISM
DISMEMBERMENT DEAD TODDLERS
COMA SEX
MUTILATION SEX MORE MUTILATION
5 SHELLAC
4 BONE CHAR
3 CARMINE
1 BACTERIOPHAGES
5 USA TODAYS STAR REPORTER LIES TO THE PUBLIC FOR TWENTYONE YEARS
4 THE GREAT MOON HOAX
3 MICHAEL BAY DIRECTS THE NEWS
2 EVERY MEDIA NETWORK IN THE COUNTRY STICKS ITS FINGERS IN IS EARS AND SHOUTS NAH NAH NAH I CANT HEAR YOU
4 CHANTING SLOGANS
2 CONTROLLING WHAT YOU WATCH AND READ
5 FIGHT CLUB ALLEGEDLY BASED ON THE BOOK BY CHUCK PALAHNIUK
4 THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK ALLEGEDLY BASED ON THE BOOK BY ALEXANDRE DUMAS
3 FRANKENSTEIN 1931 ALLEGEDLY BASED ON THE BOOK BY MARY SHELLEY
2 THE RUNNING MAN ALLEGEDLY BASED ON THE BOOK BY STEPHEN KING
1 BRAM STOKERS DRACULA ALLEGEDLY BASED ON THE BOOK BY BRAM STOKER
10 CHILDRENS SOOTHING SYRUPS
9 CALM YOUR COUGH WITH HEROIN
6 LOBOTOMIES
5 TREPANATION
4 URINE THERAPY
2 HARDCORE DIET REMEDIES
4 ROSALIND FRANKLIN
2 LISE MEITNER
1 BEATRIX POTTER
5 CHIQUITA BANANAS
4 NESTLÉ QUIK
2 DOLE BANANAS
1 COCACOLA
5 PENNY FROM INSPECTOR GADGET
4 HUEY DEWEY AND LOUIE
2 KIT CLOUDKICKER FROM TALESPIN
1 ALVIN SIMON AND THEODORE
5 THE LINCOLN ASSASSINATION
4 THE BURR CONSPIRACY
3 MR BUCHANANS ADMINISTRATION
1 THE BUSINESS PLOT
4 DISASTER BY LAND
3 DISASTER AT SEA
2 AND 1 DISASTER FROM SPACE
5 THE GOOD SAMARITAN EXPERIMENT 1973
4 THE STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT 1971
3 BYSTANDER APATHY EXPERIMENT 1968
2 THE ASCH CONFORMITY EXPERIMENT 1953
ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
5 THE LIVING SEVERED HEAD
4 THE DEADLY ELEVATOR
3 THE TOXIC WOMAN
2 SOMETHING OFF ABOUT THAT PICTURE
1 BURIED ALIVE
5 ABRAHAM HAMMY LINCOLN
3 GROVER OLD NONCONSECUTIVELY CLEVELAND
1 JOHN FED YOUR GIRLFRIEND KENNEDY
5 HUGO BOSS
4 VOLKSWAGEN
3 IBM
2 BAYER
1 SIEMENS
5 BRAIN PARASITES
4 NEUROTOXINS
3 THE REAL RAGE VIRUS
2 NEUROGENESIS
1 NANOBOTS
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Founded in 1958 as a print publication and competitor of Mad Magazine, CRACKED.COM has been published exclusively online since 2006. It is based in Los Angeles, California.

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