You're Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations

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Simon and Schuster, Feb 28, 2012 - Biography & Autobiography - 256 pages
Following his first book of hilarious essays in My Custom Van, Michael Ian Black expands his commentary to the subject that has made him one of the most-followed celebrities on Twitter: his irreverent take on the joys of suburban family life.

In the tradition of Christian Lander’s hipster/yuppie-friendly bestselling catalog of observations in Stuff White People Like, Michael Ian Black delivers his unique brand of quirky, deadpan humor in this new collection of comedic essays. Now that Black has become the guy he swore he’d never be—a Yuppie A-Hole—he has a lot to say about his family life in suburbia, and he shares his incisive yet absurd observations with readers in Clappy as a Ham.

Chronicling his adventures from cruising the neighborhood for his inevitable future “divorce house” (despite being happily married) to listening to Lite FM and realizing he loves it, Black delivers his straightfaced musings with the same sardonic humor that has earned him a rabid cult following. Want to know the pros and cons of Kashi GoLean Crunch or why kindergarten recitals are so boring? Looking for tips for lying to your kids about Santa? Clever, dry, and laugh-out-loud funny, Clappy as a Ham will “blow your mind all over your face” just like My Custom Van.
 

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User Review  - merrittfamily1990 - LibraryThing

Loved this book! Once I picked it up, I couldn't put it down. I was surprised by how deeply I could relate to every story he relayed. Often, I felt as though he had reached inside my brain and stole ... Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - ursula - LibraryThing

If you're at all familiar with Michael Ian Black's comedy, you know that he will say just about any awful thing you can imagine as if he means it with all his heart. This book isn't written by *that ... Read full review

Contents

dont know
1
a girl problem
13
meredith wants to give you a blowjob
23
you need to go
31
fuck you alan alda
43
i love you two
55
engaged
67
youre not doing it right
77
baby jail
135
a little hard work
143
a perfect date
153
pills and booze
165
antivert
175
fag
187
i am a demographic
201
nibbles
215

terrified because its terrifying
91
dead dad kid
109
i hate my baby
123
i hope hes nice
229
acknowledgments 243
231
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About the author (2012)

Michael Ian Black is a writer, comedian, and actor who currently appears on Another Period, The Jim Gaffigan Show, and Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp. He created and starred in many television series, including Michael and Michael Have Issues, Stella, and The State. He wrote the screenplay for the film Run, Fatboy, Run and wrote and directed the film Wedding Daze. Michael regularly tours the country as a stand-up comedian and is the bestselling author of the book My Custom Van (and 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face), the memoir You’re Not Doing It Right, and the children’s books Chicken Cheeks, The Purple Kangaroo, A Pig Parade Is a Terrible Idea, I’m Bored, Naked!, and Cock-a-Doodle-Doo-Bop. Michael lives in Connecticut with his wife and two children.

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