Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology

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Penguin, Mar 5, 2013 - Humor - 304 pages
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Cronus liked to eat babies.

Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.

Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.

Isis had bad taste in jewelry.

Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.

And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.

All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.

Skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:

• Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.

• The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.

• The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies.

• The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.

And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
 

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LibraryThing Review

User Review  - regularguy5mb - www.librarything.com

This is very much the "drunk guy in a bar won't stop talking about stuff from his major" version of world mythology. O'Brien uses modern, and often quite colorful, language to explain in the most ... Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - hadden - LibraryThing

Interesting re-telling of myths to show the gods in a poor light. Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Mayan, Judeo-Christian, Hindu, Japanese, African, Sumerian, Native American and even American myths are re ... Read full review

Contents

INTRODUCTION Right after this table of contents
1
NORSE
45
EGYPTIAN
87
MAYAN
109
JUDEOCHRISTIAN
125
HINDU
145
JAPANESE
163
AFRICAN
185
CHINESE
203
SUMERIAN
217
NATIVE AMERICAN
235
UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN
255
The Prevailing Creation Myth
281
Copyright

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About the author (2013)

Cory O’Brien is a dude who likes myths a whole lot. When he’s not writing about myths, he is usually yelling them at people in bars or posting them on his website, bettermyths.com. He is currently in the MFA program in writing at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Also, birds really freak him out

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