Nearly News: Satire Stories Seeking Significance 2006-2014

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Brian Jaeger, Jul 20, 2014 - Humor - 230 pages

Good satire is hard to find. It's even harder to write. While this is not a complete guide teaching all of the intricacies of writing satire, it does provide some biting satire and an explanation behind each story.
The purpose of many of the articles was to show human flaws but not necessarily to solve problems. You can read right-wing rags or liberal laments for that. While most of the book is written as news articles, you will also find interviews with God and Satan, a sermon, and several opinion pieces from various voices. While nobody is a clear winner in this book, you might note the slightly liberal bias of the author, especially in later years.
Even though most of the stories appear in Real Wisconsin News and some of the stories are written specifically about a suburban Milwaukee school district, you will be able to relate to just about all of the content, unless you are living under a rock or from Europe. However, if you are from elsewhere, there is no better way to understand Americans that to see what they find funny about the news.
If you enjoy The Onion, The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live, or The Golden Girls, you should like this book. It's a must-read for anyone who cares about the future of our country, even if that person is one of the One Percenters. Great for social studies teachers, social scientists, social climbers, social disease carriers, and socialites alike.

 

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If you want to see what got us to Trump, then look no further than this book. Some articles emanate from the elitist, leftist media point-of-view. Those are funny. Other articles come straight from the right, and those are funny. The point of the author was to rip on both extremes, and then a couple years after it was published, two people from those extremes ran against each other for president.
It doesn't matter that you're not from Wisconsin, where many of the articles take place. It doesn't matter if you are bleeding heart, tree-hugging democrat or a red-blooded, immigrant-hating republican. You can learn a little about yourself and laugh a lot at others when you read this book. It's as funny as Donald Trump on a Twitter binge and twice as smart.
 

Selected pages

Contents

Jeep is Staunchest Supporter of War Effort Amongst Automakers
TI Calculators can be Used for Math
Brewers Have Cubs Right Where They Want Them
Im Straight
Mr Jaeger Not Sure of Spirit in Spirit Week
Girls Gone Wild Founder to Tape Guys Gone Wild in Prison
Wonder Woman to Make TV Comeback as Moody Irritable Teen
Mr Jaegers Room Gets New Window

New Football Star Must Really be Good
Bucks to Form AllCircus Team
Honey Creek Beach to Open in West Allis
Carload of AfricanAmerican Teens Navigates Brookfield with no Violations
State Department of Tourism Releases Segregated Multicultural Calendar
CBS 58 Breaks Ice in Experiential News Reporting
Bush Mixes Metaphors but Makes Meaning Clear
Michael Redd Upset Bucks not in Playoff Hunt
HIV Risk Eliminated Through Fear
Mayfair Wauwatosa to Offer Bus Vouchers
Muslims Hindus and American Men Finally Agree on Something
The Official Real Wisconsin News Living Shrine to Barbaro
A Real Wisconsin Parents Guide to Controlling Your Kids
Sheboygan 911 Operators Finally Outsmart Prank Mastermind
Zorro Unmasked After Botched Rescue of Maiden from Casa de Culo
Medical College of Wisconsin will not use Dogs
President Bush Uses Articulate in a Sentence
Southridge Becoming CrimeRidden
UW Professor Makes Closing Statements About Hmong
Suite Life of Brewers Fans Should not be Interrupted
21 Arrested in Protest of Army Recruiting Station to Join Fight in Iraq
Shorewood High School Fight Proves Schools Need Change
Young People Dispute Mayfair Rules Scare Passersby
Columbia St Marys and Froedtert Will Work Twice as Hard to Remain Inefficient
Art Critics Miss Point in Pewaukee Mans Performance Art
Bush Might Have Misunderconstrued Jackie Robinson Day
Its Getting Hot up Here
City of Pewaukee Police Chief Reprimanded for Police Humor Wins Award
Man Kidnaps Girlfriend as Part of Midlife Crisis
Michael McGee Sr Grieves for Charlie Sykes
Sure We Dont Want Iran to Have Nukes But Why Not Our Used F14s?
This Memorial Day Lets Support the War but Not Necessarily Our Troops
Work for AirTran
Cheneyator Sent Back in Time to Change Comments on Iraq
Don Imus to Present at NOW Conference in Detroit
Free Mike McGee
Why Cant Exxon Mobil be Left Alone?
South American Cannibals not Interested in Barry Bonds
MPS Schools Better Reflect Criminal Justice System in New Budget
Mom You Shouldntve Damned me to Hell For Waking You Up
Radium in Water Could Save Your Life
Wisconsin Farmers Prepare for Brave New Warm World
President Kermit T Frog May Issue Full Pardon To Scooter
Bucks Cry Foul Over Referee
Milwaukee Playing Fields Close Local Athelites Worry
Tom Snyder Intimidates Confuses God
Lil Einsteins Promote Capitalist Patriarchal Agenda
Milwaukee Gun Buyback Program Scrapped Bulletproof Vests to be Offered Instead
State Lawmakers Work to Improve Business Environment
Teachers File Unconventional Back to School Lists
Subprime Mortgage Crisis Merely Capitalism Doing its Job
Memorial Day Labor Day Confused
Global Dimming May be Answer to Global Warming
Religious Man Thrown off Flight for Inappropriate Attire
MFHS English Teachers Sick of NoTalent Writers Getting Published
MFHS Teachers Fight for Prime Parking Spots
Food Stamp Challenge to Stamp Out Debt
Milwaukee Gangs to Set up AlQaedalike Training Camps
Martin Lawrence Admits He Plays Serena Williams Family
Im Not Gay But I Cant Get Samwells What What Out of my Butt or Head
My Liquor Store Just Slapped me With a Credit Card Fee
Change in Daylight Saving Time Seen as Bushs Greatest Environmental Policy
Mr Jaeger Strikes Against Hollywood
Canadian Scientists to Clone Jesus
The CW Network to Target Lowest IQ Segment
Teachers Students Perform Ice Theatrics on Way to Class
Two New Morning After Pills to be Sold
Axis of Evil Countries Unveil New Marketing Campaign
New Pica Diet Sweeping the Nation
Packers Could Still Win Super Bowl
Mr Jaeger Forms Lanyard Gang
Push Play to Play Chalet Push Cause
Valentines Day Cards Confiscated
Bucks Lead League in Moral Victories
Mr Jaeger in Running for Teacher of the Year Award
Mr Schraeder Brought Down by Dangerous Combination of Chips and Dip
British Troops Pulled Out of City in England
Dont Most Preachers Say Some CrazyA h1t Sometimes?
United States Added to State Department List of Human Rights Violators
MFHS Refuses to Retire Dixons Number
Bars to Offer New Obama Slammer
MFHS Teacher Skip Day a Success
Charlton Hestons Gun Finally Pried From His Cold Dead Hands
Man Who Lost Dream Home to Flooding Says it is Not Enough Nobody Was Not Hurt
Army Develops New Virtual Game After Criticism at Summerfest
Milwaukee May Vote to Outlaw Guns Next July Fourth
Murders to be Recalculated With Probably Deserved It Factor
Lemurs Claim Ryan Braun as One of Their Own
Sarah Palin Proves AbstinenceOnly Education Works Especially For Others
Obama Must Give up Role as Senator Television Icon
GOP Wants McCain Heroism Whiteness to Take Center Stage
Polls Confirm Americans Trust McCain More 圀椀琀栀 吀栀攀椀爀 䐀愀甀最栀琀攀爀猀
TBS Almost Drops Ball During Cubs Broadcast
UN Debates How to Handle Sarah Palin
Test Scores to be Printed on New State IDs
Satan Rescinds Deal for Bushs Soul
Teachers Addicted to Online Gaming
New Chairs Have More Fun
New Electronic Sign Awes Passersby
Scott Walker to Disassemble State Government
Stop Whining
Scott Walker Bestowed with Honorary College Degree
Train Sent for Wisconsin Senators
Bucyrus CEO Suffering Because of Economy
Walker Takes Several Phone Calls
How Can my Monte Carlo Make Fire Like That?
Scott Walker Saves Christmas
Tom Barrett Not Sure He Needs Another Ass Kicking
Scott Walker Could Have Saved NBA Owners Millions
Newt Gingrich Rewrites HistoryReligion in Debate
Hiter to Run for Office in Washington County
Aspirin Between Knees Works as Contraceptive But How?
Scott Walker Not a Horrible Person
Fiscal Cliff No Longer Welcome at Cheers
Mallory Edens Impresses With Words
Facebook to Provide Eternal Life Option
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About the author (2014)

I started writing in my friend's basement back in high school. Because of our love for the Indiana Jones series, we wrote about the adventures of Arizona and Utah, two American kids who searched for such items as the Sacred Beer Stein and the Bubbler of Youth. The writing was not great, but my friends laughed. Later, I wrote some ridiculous poetry, and my friends laughed. It took me a few years and some college classes to take writing a bit more seriously. However, I still want my writing to entertain.

As an English teacher, I helped students work with their writing. However, my true passion was my own writing. I could help them with voice, imagery, metaphor, and other techniques, but I could not move past the desire to create my own.

As a father, I encourage my own kids to be creative. As a husband, I try to write romantic lines for my wife, who expected a poem a day once she realized she was committed to a writer.

I am cynical about the world, which helps me in writing humor and satire, but I also embrace the beauty of the world and my chance to add my voice to the human experience. 

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