Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes

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R.H. Russell, 1902 - 39 pages
 

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Shortly after World War II, some British friends of my parents sent us a copy of this wonderful book in the US. I was only eight years old, but discovering these rhymes was for me a charming introduction to the world of poetry and satire. I have never forgotten many of these "ruthless rhymes" but alas had lost the book after my parents passed on. The book we had, however, must have been a later edition, for some of the most memorable verses are not contained herein, e.g., "Phillip in a fit insane, Drove his ball through Mary's brain; Sad they bore her corpse away--Seven up and six to play." or "Billy, in his silks and sashes, Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes; Now although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy."
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Page 16 - Billy, in one of his nice new sashes, Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes; Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy7.
Page 3 - That this hurts me more than you.' Susan straightway ceased to roar; 'If that's really true,' said she, 'I can stand a great deal more; Pray go on, and don't mind me.
Page 20 - THE STERN PARENT Father heard his children scream, So he threw them in the stream, Saying, as he drowned the third, "Children should be seen, not heard!
Page 13 - MAKING toast at the fireside, Nurse fell in the grate and died ; And, what makes it ten times worse, All the toast was burned with nurse. YESTERDAY my gun exploded When I thought it wasn't loaded; Near my wife I pressed the trigger, Chipped a fragment off her figure j 'Course I'm sorry, and all that, But she should n't be so fat.
Page 10 - NECESSITY Late last night I slew my wife, Stretched her on the parquet flooring; I was loth to take her life. But I had to stop her snoring.
Page 2 - AUNT ELIZA IN the drinking well Which the plumber built her, Aunt Eliza fell . . . . . . We must buy a filter.
Page 1 - INCONSIDERATE HANNAH Naughty little Hannah said She could make her Grandma whistle, So, that night, inside her bed Placed some nettles and a thistle. Though dear Grandma quite infirm is, Heartless Hannah watched her settle, With her poor old epidermis Resting up against a nettle. Suddenly she reached the thistle! My! you should have heard her whistle! * * * A successful plan was Hannah's, But I cannot praise her manners. MR. JONES "There's been an accident!
Page 16 - Jim: or, the Deferred Luncheon Party When the line he tried to cross, The express ran into Jim; Bitterly I mourn his loss— I was to have lunched with him.

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