Tricky Kids: Transforming Conflict and Freeing Their PotentialFrom the book: The useless art of the provocative question... Yes, the art of the provocative question is a method used by many parents, and it is 100 percent guaranteed to cause an argument. Examples of provocative questions include: 'Have you got any homework?'; 'Have you cleaned your room?' (When it's clear they haven't); 'You don't think you are going out looking like that, do you?'; 'How many times do I have to tell you?'; 'What were you thinking?'; 'I suppose you can explain why your school report looks like this, can you?' If you want to get a tricky kid into defensive argument mode, ask a provocative question. It will entertain them and exasperate you, sparking off a debate that will last for hours. Turn provocative questions into definite, clear statements. Some examples are: 'Okay, it's homework time.'; 'Let's get the room cleaned up for dinner.'; 'I'd like to remind you of our agreement.'; 'Let's chat about how to help you with school.' Seven messages for parents who do too much... Remember, one day your child will need to cope without you; Children learn competence and confidence by tackling some things on their own; There are some situations in which your child can cope without your help; Help is not always helpful. Sometimes it robs people of the opportunity to work out their own way of doing things; The toughest trees grow in the windiest conditions. Making everything easy for your child won't help him or her to cope with hardship; Rarely or never do anything for a child that he or she can do for himself or herself; Things that are scarce are more valued. (While I'm not suggesting you distance yourself from your child, I am suggesting that if you are feeling undervalued or used, make your assistance more scarce). About the author: Andrew Fuller, clinical psychologist and family therapist, works to create resilience |
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Tricky Kids: Transforming Conflict and Freeing Their Potential Andrew Fuller No preview available - 2013 |
Tricky Kids: Transforming Conflict and Freeing Their Potential Andrew Fuller No preview available - 2013 |