Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars, and Parties -- One Crazy Year Working onIn Cruise Confidential, Brian David Bruns spills the dirt — or in this case, the dirty water — on those romantic, fun-filled vacations at sea. His hilarious chronicle of the year he spent working for Carnival Cruise Lines takes readers down into the areas where the crew works and lives, leaving readers gasping with laughter as they’re assaulted nonstop with events that range from the absurd to the utterly bizarre. Stewards fighting over food. Cutlery allowances and other nonsensical rules. What the crew calls those onboard (no, it’s not “passengers”). And of course, the sex. An abundance of ready, willing, and able bodies eager for action on a vessel replete with nooks and crannies leads to love in some mighty strange, and seemingly impossible, places. Breezy, entertaining, and informative, Cruise Confidential is essential reading for those planning a cruise or for anyone who just needs a good laugh. |
Contents
| 1 | |
| 3 | |
| 7 | |
| 14 | |
| 23 | |
| 34 | |
The Midnight Bahamian Toga Bash | 46 |
Ship Life 101 | 55 |
The Torture of Funship Freddy | 197 |
Hunger Pains | 206 |
Viral Infections and You | 214 |
Something Sweet at Midnight | 226 |
Showdown and Breakdown | 233 |
Jamaican Deep Blue | 244 |
The Legend Destruction | 255 |
How to Fix an American | 257 |
Creepy Conch Fritters | 63 |
Graduation | 70 |
The End of the Beginning | 76 |
Waiter Promotion | 81 |
My First and Only Clingy Lingerie Model | 83 |
Pancake Darwinism | 89 |
The Crew Bar | 96 |
My Heart Will Go On | 104 |
The Infamous Filipino Elvis Massacre | 109 |
Great Whites | 115 |
Dining on Ashes | 126 |
The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Assumption | 137 |
Stripping in the Dining Room | 149 |
Assistant Maitre d Demotion | 159 |
Bogo | 161 |
Enemy Mine | 172 |
The Other Sexy Bitch | 183 |
Tattoo Goo | 192 |
Legend | 269 |
Tongs over Escalators | 277 |
Frog and Onion | 285 |
Ice Pirates | 289 |
The Boatyard | 300 |
Lost in Panama | 309 |
The Four Temptations of the Apocalypse | 322 |
Toast Master General | 336 |
The Suicide | 344 |
The Miracle | 354 |
Epilogue | 363 |
Appendices | 365 |
Glossary of Ship Language | 367 |
Provisions for a Cruise | 369 |
Stupid Questions | 370 |
About the Author | 371 |
Other editions - View all
Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline - Where the Crew Lives, Eats ... Brian David Bruns No preview available - 2008 |
Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats ... Brian David Bruns No preview available - 2008 |
Common terms and phrases
American Anjana anyway Aric asked assistant maitre began Bianca Bogo Boota bottles breakfast Brian bunk cabin Calypso Camilla can’t Carnival Carnival Conquest Carnival’s chefs Conquest couldn’t Cozumel crew bar cruise ship cruise staff dance didn’t dining room dinner door dozen drink drunk Duman entrees eyes feet Filipino finally floor girlfriend going guests Gunnar hair hand He’s head waiter huge Juci knew ladies laughing Legend Lido Lido deck Liezle look lunch Lutfi maitre d midnight buffet minutes Mladen months nearly never night Nikolo Norovirus obviously onboard open deck paisanos Panama City pantry party port pulled Ramona Rasa Ravi replied restaurant Romanian roommate rushed shrimp sleep smile someone stared station suddenly surprise talk tattoo Tekin There’s things took Transylvania Truffles wait watched week What’s woman women Xenia Yeah you’re