Haunted: A Novel

Front Cover
Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, May 3, 2005 - Fiction - 256 pages
80 Reviews

Haunted is a novel made up of twenty-three horrifying, hilarious, and stomach-churning stories. They’re told by people who have answered an ad for a writer’s retreat and unwittingly joined a “Survivor”-like scenario where the host withholds heat, power, and food. As the storytellers grow more desperate, their tales become more extreme, and they ruthlessly plot to make themselves the hero of the reality show that will surely be made from their plight. This is one of the most disturbing and outrageous books you’ll ever read, one that could only come from the mind of Chuck Palahniuk.

 

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5 stars
28
4 stars
22
3 stars
13
2 stars
12
1 star
5

Free verse is more than prose broken into lines. - Goodreads
That's my favorite kind of writing.) - Goodreads
Plot: This was crazy. - Goodreads
Do not look to Chuck for insights or mental expansion. - Goodreads

Review: Haunted

User Review  - Lex Larson - Goodreads

Apparently working in a vet clinic for the better part of 5 years is precisely the recipe required to inure one to the effects of Palahniuk's writing. You'll see tons of "OMG SO GWOSS!!" reviews here ... Read full review

Review: Haunted

User Review  - April Cote - Goodreads

"My goal was just to write some new form of horror story, something based on the ordinary world. Without supernatural monsters or magic. This would be a book you wouldn't want to keep next to your bed ... Read full review

All 26 reviews »

Contents

I
1
II
9
III
12
IV
28
V
30
VI
46
VII
48
VIII
64
XXIV
210
XXV
226
XXVI
228
XXVII
243
XXVIII
245
XXIX
256
XXX
258
XXXI
274

IX
67
X
90
XI
92
XII
109
XIII
111
XIV
125
XV
127
XVI
138
XVII
140
XVIII
153
XIX
155
XX
180
XXI
182
XXII
199
XXIII
201
XXXII
276
XXXIII
294
XXXIV
296
XXXV
309
XXXVI
316
XXXVII
318
XXXVIII
330
XXXIX
332
XL
349
XLI
362
XLII
364
XLIII
384
XLIV
387
Copyright

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Page 15 - It's wax, so he figured maybe it would just melt inside him and he'd piss it out. Now his back hurts. His kidneys. He can't stand straight. This kid talking on the phone from his hospital bed, in the background you can hear bells ding, people screaming. Game shows. The X-rays show the truth, something long and thin, bent double inside his bladder. This long, thin V inside him, it's collecting all the minerals in his piss. It's getting bigger and...
Page 18 - Imagine taking a four-hundred-pound shit, and you can see how this might turn you inside out. What I can tell you is, your guts don't feel much pain. Not the way your skin feels pain. The stuff you're digesting, doctors call it fecal matter. Higher up is chyme, pockets of a thin runny mess studded with corn and peanuts...
Page 21 - ... pulled into the pump. Even when the pool guy cracked open the filter casing and fished out a rubbery tube, a watery hank of intestine with a big orange vitamin pill still inside, even then, my dad just said, "That dog was fucking nuts.
Page 18 - I'm an inch closer to getting another breath. Still feeling the snake tug at my ass, I'm an incher closer to my escape. Knotted inside the snake, you can see corn and peanuts. You can see a long bright-orange ball. It's the kind of horse-pill vitamin my dad makes me take, to help put on weight. To get a football scholarship. With extra iron and omega-3 fatty acids. It's seeing that vitamin pill that saves my life. It's not a snake. It's my large intestine, my colon pulled out of me. What doctors...
Page 15 - ... this kid can't keep track of the wax. He's one good squeeze from shooting his wad when the wax isn't sticking out anymore. The thin wax rod, it's slipped inside. All the way inside. So deep inside he can't even feel the lump of it inside his piss tube. From downstairs, his mom shouts it's suppertime.
Page 18 - Paramedics will tell you a swimming-pool pump pulls eighty gallons of water every minute. That's about four hundred pounds of pressure. The big problem is, we're all connected together inside. Your ass is just the far end of your mouth. If I let go, the pump keeps working — unraveling my insides — until it's got my tongue.

About the author (2005)

Chuck Palahniuk’s six novels are the bestselling Diary, Choke, Lullaby, Fight Club--which was made into a film by director David Fincher--Survivor, and Invisible Monsters. He is also the author of a profile of Portland, Fugitives and Refugees, and the nonfiction collection Stranger Than Fiction. He lives in the Pacific Northwest.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

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