Choose to be Happily Married: How Everyday Decisions Can Lead to Lasting Love

Front Cover
Adams Media, 2010 - Happiness - 238 pages
1 Review
From the introduction: "Now for full disclosure, sometimes I do not make the noble choice ... [and] I know when I fail to expend the energy needed to make a conscious decision that it takes a toll on my relationship. Here's where this book becomes a gift. Because once we understand the natural laws of sustaining love, we can take control of our actions instead of flailing about, helpless in the face of our basest emotions or leftover childhood trauma. With each choice, we can thoughtfully clear the way for a lifetime of love." Dr. Bonnie Jacobson, author and psychologist of nearly forty years, knows that no couple is perfect and in Choose to Be Happily Married, this is the first and foremost truth. The second is that every couple has the ability to experience true and lasting happiness, within that imperfect--real life--love. Structured around twenty-five everyday Turning Points, with anecdotal case studies supporting each one, this unique couples' therapy tool inspires and informs readers better than any costly session with a marriage counselor could.
 

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Contents

Responsive versus Reactive Choosing to Be Receptive in a Moment of Stress
3
Good Judgment versus Critical Judgment Making Rooms for Anothers Beliefs
13
Expressing Your True self versus Conforming to a Role Being Yourself Even as Roles Shift
21
Autonomy versus Isolation Standing Up for Yourself Without Isolating Your Partner
29
Surrender versus Submission Learning to Yield Without Losing Yourself
37
Establishing Space versus Neglect Balancing Your and Your Partners Space Needs
45
Patience versus Passivity
53
Benign Boundaries versus Emotional Tyranny Establishing Borders That Build Connections
61
Intimate Listening versus Hearing
127
Influence versus Control
135
Constructive Criticism versus Destructive Criticism Learning to Give Compassionate Feedback
143
PERSONAL POWER
153
Deciding versus Craving Deciding What Is and What Isnt Worth Having
155
Fighting Fair versus Fighting Unfair Defining a Fair Fight
163
Support versus Protection Establishing an Empowering Stance
171
Forgiving versus Forgetting The Boomerang Impact of Forgiveness
179

Awareness of Limits versus Emotional Recklessness Embracing the Power of SelfControl
69
Embracing Change versus Preserving the Status Quo Being Flexible in the Face of Change
77
Communication
85
Taking Responsibility versus Blame Owning Your Part of the Problem
87
Needs versus Wants Knowing What You Require to be Satisfied
95
Detach versus Withdraw The Art of Getting Across the Street
103
Speaking Up versus Silence
111
Giving the Benefit of the Doubt versus Making Assumptions The Danger of Jumping to Conclusion
119
Good Selfish versus Bad Selfish When Taking Care of Yourself Is Generous
187
Family Loyalty versus SelfInterest The Downside of Attachment
195
Joy versus Happiness Embracing What Lasts
203
The Emotional Turning Point Test
211
References
229
Index
234
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