The Mirages of Marriage

Front Cover
W. W. Norton & Company, 1990 - Family & Relationships - 473 pages
This helpful, incisive analysis of marriage in America discusses the false assumptions of modern marriage and how to make a marriage work. It is imperative to realize, the authors argue, that the marital relationship is an interlocked system in itself, not a function of individual partners. They offer techniques for appraising one's own marriage, discuss the use of counselors and the dangers of unilateral therapy, and outline the major elements of a satisfactory marriage.
 

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Contents

FOREWORD by Karl Menninger M D
13
The Origins of Marriage and the Familyand Their Dis
23
The Myths of Marriage
39
That Most Married People Love
47
That Love Is Necessary for a Satis
53
That There Are Inherent Behavioral
60
That the Advent of Children
68
That Loneliness Will Be Cured
75
I Could Be the Best Husband Wife in the World If Only My Spouse Would Be Different
233
The Disaster Seeker
239
The Cross Complainer
243
The Wrecking of the Marriage
245
Divorce Desertion and Despair
253
How to TRY TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK
259
Your Marriage May Not Be As Bad As You Think
261
How to Arrest Symmetrical Behavior in a Marital Relationship
263

The Systems Concept
87
All Behavior Is Communi
98
Trust in Marriage
106
Sex in Marriage
114
The Different Types of Marriage
126
The StableSatisfactory Marriage
130
The UnstableSatisfactory Marriage
135
The UnstableUnsatisfactory Marriage
141
The StableUnsatisfactory Marriage
153
Symmetrical Complemen tary and Parallel
161
Time and Goals in Marriage
174
The Quid Pro Quo or the Marital Bargaining Table
177
ld Rather Do It Alone Versus Togetherness
187
The Major Elements of a Satisfactory Marriage
198
DESTRUCTIVE ELEMENTS IN MARRIAGE
201
The Myth of Normality
203
The Fallen Domino
205
How to Drive Your Spouse Crazy
210
The Incomplete Transaction
213
Thank You for Nothing Darling
220
The MindReading Act
224
The Handy Heart and the Convenient Cancer
227
The Pseudobenevolent Dictatorship
230
Aggressions and Quarrels
268
The Need to Bargain
271
How to Establish Communication
276
Establishing a Quid Pro Quo
285
Quid Pro Quo Practice Sessions
291
Some Behavior to Avoid in Working Out the Quid Pro Quo
303
A Quid Pro Quo Discussion Which Failed
316
A Second Quid Pro Quo Attempt Which Failed
328
A Quid Pro Quo Attempt Which Succeeded
337
The Use of a Third Party in a Marital Dialogue
347
The Necessity for Marital Checkups
358
How to Check Up on Your Own Marriage ვივ
363
How to Select a Spouse
372
Interpersonal Comparison Tests
381
PROFESSIONAL HELP
393
How to Get Help from a Professional
395
What Can You Expect from Marital Counseling?
441
The Potential Dangers in Unilateral Therapy
450
APPENDICES
455
APPENDIX A Suggested Reading List on Marriage and Family Living
457
APPENDIX B California Requirements for Professionals Who Work with Marriage Problems
462
INDEX
465
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About the author (1990)

William J. Lederer (1912-2009) was was a former U.S. Navy captain and the co-author of The Ugly American (with Eugene Burdick), The Mirages of Marriage (with Don D. Jackson), and other books.

The late Don D. Jackson was a founder and director of the Mental Research Institute in Palo Alto, California, and associate professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine. He was coauthor, with Paul Wazlawick and Janet Beavin Bavelas, of Pragmatics of Human Communication.

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