The Mirages of Marriage

William J. Lederer, Don D. Jackson

W. W. Norton & Company, 1990 - Family & Relationships - 473 pages

This helpful, incisive analysis of marriage in America discusses the false assumptions of modern marriage and how to make a marriage work. It is imperative to realize, the authors argue, that the marital relationship is an interlocked system in itself, not a function of individual partners. They offer techniques for appraising one's own marriage, discuss the use of counselors and the dangers of unilateral therapy, and outline the major elements of a satisfactory marriage.

Contents

• FOREWORD by Karl Menninger M D: 13
• The Origins of Marriage and the Familyand Their Dis: 23
• The Myths of Marriage: 39
• That Most Married People Love: 47
• That Love Is Necessary for a Satis: 53
• That There Are Inherent Behavioral: 60
• That the Advent of Children: 68
• That Loneliness Will Be Cured: 75
• The Systems Concept: 87
• All Behavior Is Communi: 98
• Trust in Marriage: 106
• Sex in Marriage: 114
• The Different Types of Marriage: 126
• The StableSatisfactory Marriage: 130
• The UnstableSatisfactory Marriage: 135
• The UnstableUnsatisfactory Marriage: 141
• The StableUnsatisfactory Marriage: 153
• Symmetrical Complemen tary and Parallel: 161
• Time and Goals in Marriage: 174
• The Quid Pro Quo or the Marital Bargaining Table: 177
• ld Rather Do It Alone Versus Togetherness: 187
• The Major Elements of a Satisfactory Marriage: 198
• DESTRUCTIVE ELEMENTS IN MARRIAGE: 201
• The Myth of Normality: 203
• The Fallen Domino: 205
• How to Drive Your Spouse Crazy: 210
• The Incomplete Transaction: 213
• Thank You for Nothing Darling: 220
• The MindReading Act: 224
• The Handy Heart and the Convenient Cancer: 227
• The Pseudobenevolent Dictatorship: 230
• I Could Be the Best Husband Wife in the World If Only My Spouse Would Be Different: 233
• The Disaster Seeker: 239
• The Cross Complainer: 243
• The Wrecking of the Marriage: 245
• Divorce Desertion and Despair: 253
• How to TRY TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK: 259
• Your Marriage May Not Be As Bad As You Think: 261
• How to Arrest Symmetrical Behavior in a Marital Relationship: 263
• Aggressions and Quarrels: 268
• The Need to Bargain: 271
• How to Establish Communication: 276
• Establishing a Quid Pro Quo: 285
• Quid Pro Quo Practice Sessions: 291
• Some Behavior to Avoid in Working Out the Quid Pro Quo: 303
• A Quid Pro Quo Discussion Which Failed: 316
• A Second Quid Pro Quo Attempt Which Failed: 328
• A Quid Pro Quo Attempt Which Succeeded: 337
• The Use of a Third Party in a Marital Dialogue: 347
• The Necessity for Marital Checkups: 358
• How to Check Up on Your Own Marriage ვივ: 363
• How to Select a Spouse: 372
• Interpersonal Comparison Tests: 381
• PROFESSIONAL HELP: 393
• How to Get Help from a Professional: 395
• What Can You Expect from Marital Counseling?: 441
• The Potential Dangers in Unilateral Therapy: 450
• APPENDICES: 455
• APPENDIX A Suggested Reading List on Marriage and Family Living: 457
• APPENDIX B California Requirements for Professionals Who Work with Marriage Problems: 462
• INDEX: 465

About the author

William J. Lederer (1912-2009) was was a former U.S. Navy captain and the co-author of The Ugly American (with Eugene Burdick), The Mirages of Marriage (with Don D. Jackson), and other books.

The late Don D. Jackson was a founder and director of the Mental Research Institute in Palo Alto, California, and associate professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine. He was coauthor, with Paul Wazlawick and Janet Beavin Bavelas, of Pragmatics of Human Communication.

Bibliographic information

• Title: The Mirages of Marriage
• Authors: William J. Lederer, Don D. Jackson
• Edition: illustrated, reprint, revised
• Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company, 1990
• ISBN: 0393306321, 9780393306323
• Length: 473 pages
• Subjects: Family & Relationships / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships; Social Science / Sociology / General