You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series

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St. Martin's Press, May 27, 2008 - Fiction - 229 pages
29 Reviews

Why Do All the Nice Girls End Up Getting Kidnapped and Held for Ransom?

In this book, YOU, the reader, are a thirtysomething part-time actor/full-time waiter suddenly caught up in a kidnapping. Julia, the girl you went out with last night, has been TAKEN HOSTAGE. What will you do? Will you go to the police and ask for help? Will you burst into the hideout, killing everyone in sight, then tell Julia that she shouldn’t misinterpret this as some sort of big commitment? Or will you unplug your phone and just get really, really drunk? The choice is yours!

You awake to the sound of the phone ringing.

“Hello?”

You hear a man’s voice. It is muffled. “We’ve got Julia.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“We have kidnapped your girlfriend. If you ever want to see her again---”

“Whoa, she’s not my girlfriend,” you say. “I just met her. I mean, I had a good time with her and all, but I wanna take it slow with this one, I think.”

“We understand,” the voice says. “But she’s new to the city, and presently, you’re all she has. Give us fifty thousand dollars by tomorrow or we’ll blow her head off.”

If you want to go and ask your parents if you can borrow fifty thousand dollars, go to page 173.

If you want to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, consider getting back together with her, then think better of it, go to page 183.

BE VERY CAREFUL! You’re directing the story and the CHOICES you make can result in MURDER, GRADUATE SCHOOL ENROLLMENT, TORTURE, MARRIAGE, POST-APOCALYPTIC SLAVERY, UNWANTED PREGNANCY, even TEMPING! It’s YOUR STORY and YOUR LIFE. All you’ve got to do is decide which page you want to turn to. JUST MAKE A CHOICE!

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Review: You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series

User Review  - JD - Goodreads

I also heard this described on the NPR Books podcast, and was totally enamored with the idea...I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure series as a kid (actually still have 4 books in my library) and ... Read full review

Review: You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero!: Book One in the Just Make a Choice! Series

User Review  - Goodreads

I also heard this described on the NPR Books podcast, and was totally enamored with the idea...I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure series as a kid (actually still have 4 books in my library) and ... Read full review

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About the author (2008)

Bob Powers is the author of the book Happy Cruelty Day! He has performed at HBO’s Aspen Comedy Festival, and is the creator of the Web site www.girlsarepretty.com. He lives in New York City.

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