Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker

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Penguin, Apr 17, 2008 - Family & Relationships - 336 pages
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From an acclaimed couples therapist, the first book ever to address the financial power struggles in relationships

Money, not sexual adultery, is the #1 problem in relationships. According to Dr. Bonnie, one of the nation's leading couples therapists, "nearly one-third of adults in committed relationships admit to lying to their partner about spending habits." Secret credit cards, binge shopping, revenge spending, and POPs (pissed off purchases) are just a few examples of how financial infidelity undermines trust and harms a relationship.

With clarity and compassion, Dr. Bonnie—who has a near one hundred percent success rate in counseling couples—helps readers recognize their hidden financial indiscretions, reconnect with their partners, and recover the trust and intimacy in their relationships.

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Required reading for everyone.


Defining Your Relationship
The Eight Stages
The Seven Steps
Personal Risk Factors for Financial Infidelity
Social Pressures for Financial Infidelity
External Risk Factors for Financial Infidelity
Relationship Risk Factors for Financial Infidelity
Warning Signs of Financial Infidelity
Brush with Death
Divorce and Financial Infidelity
Protecting Yourself against Financial Infidelity
A Typical Smart Heart Dialogue for Discussing Prenups or Other Agreements
When Money Talks
Smart Heart Dialogue for Dating Singles

What to Do If You Suspect Financial Infidelity
How to Confess Financial Infidelity
Relationships in Crisis
The Risk of Physical Affairs
Smart Heart Dialogues
Magical Thinking
Are You Prone to Magical Thinking?
Keeping the Balance
Your Financial Balance
Your Relationship Balance
Create a Shared Perspective
IOUs and Wish Lists
When Money Talks
Smart Heart Dialogue for Dating Singles
Case 2
Smart Heart Dialogue for Married and Committed Couples
Case 3
A Contract for Financial Fidelity
Understanding the Power Dynamic
Men Women Power and Money
Navigating a RoleReversal Power Struggle
Power and Risk
A Warning About Money Power and Abuse
Fighting Fair
Smart Heart Dialogue for Negotiating a Power Struggle
Case 5
Case 1
Smart Heart Jump Starts for a Balanced Power Dynamic
Understanding Your Financial Imago
How to Successfully Negotiate the Top Ten Transitional Financial Stresses
Your Family Moneygram
How to Use the Moneygram
Analysis of Dr Bonnies and Dr Jeffs Moneygrams
Your Family Financial Legacy
Family Letters
When Money Talks
Smart Heart Dialogue for a Money Tree Memory
A Contract for Financial Fidelity
Compartmentalize the Cash
How to Break Up with Money to Save Your Relationship
Types of Attachment to Money
Black Tuesday
Breaking Up with Your Partner
Smart Heart Dialogue for Married and Committed Couples
Smart Heart Dialogue for Dating a Divorced Man or Woman
A Contract for Financial Fidelity
Determining Your Real Values
Letting Go of Fears
Letting Go of Envy
Letting Go of SelfDestructive Impulses
Money Affirmations
The Process of Reconnection
Financial Implications for Singles Living Together
Put Money in Its Place
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Creating a Shared Financial Relationship Vision
The Good Part Is Just Beginning
When Money Talks
Smart Heart Dialogue for SinglesorMarried Couples
Smart Heart JumpStarts for Reconnecting
A Contract for Financial Fidelity
Romance Wreckers
Making the LoveMoney Connection
Bringing Sexy Back
Trading Places or Kidnapping Your Partner
Attachment Skills
Creating a Romantic and Sexual Relationship Vision
Dont Speak
Smart Heart Dialogue for Restoring Romance
Case 4
A Contract for Financial Fidelity
Be Aware
Be Proactive
The Ten Commandments for Financial Fidelity
Smart Heart Dialogue for Real and Lasting Love
A Contract for Real and Lasting Financial Fidelity
Understanding Neurobiological Reasons for Imbalance
Key Biochemical Markers
Financial Infidelity as an Addiction
Warning Signs of Addiction and Financial Infidelity

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About the author (2008)

Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years and is the author of several books, including Make Up, Don’t Break Up and Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. New York Magazine named her one of the city’s top therapists, and Psychology Today named her one of America’s best therapists.

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