New Zealand with a Hobbit Botherer

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Lulu.com, Jan 1, 2005 - Humor - 218 pages
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What should you do if your spouse becomes addicted to the Lord of the Rings movies and swoons at the very mention of Orlando Bloom's name? (Thud. Quick, fetch the smelling salts.) How about taking the advice of a strange apparition that reveals itself in a dream? An apparition that looks remarkably like the director of the movies, Peter Jackson, but not quite remarkably enough to prompt legal action. An apparition that recommends touring New Zealand in an effort to prove that its sheep pastures aren't really filled by frolicking Hobbits. Just sheep and the occasional zorbing local. This is the hilarious tale of such a tour, featuring snow capped mountains and turquoise lakes, flightless birds and flying cattle, bungy jumping grannies and the carrot mafia, strange yellow eyes peering up from a road map and hotel receptionists always desperate to know win you are living.
 

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Contents

I Had A Dream
6
Auckland Hoops But No Rings
10
Matamata Calm Down Its Only A Sheep Paddock
22
Rotorua Hongi And Hangi
28
Napier Wheres All The Art Deco Gone?
39
WaiOTapu A Woman Who Turns Out To Be A Geyser
41
Tongariro National Park Going For A Tramp
46
Wellington A Beehive And A Chocolate Fish
55
Wanaka Making The Baby Elephant
115
Queenstown New Zealand Thats No Good Its Australian
126
Queenstown Middle Earth The Lord of the Rings Bathroom
135
Te Anau Thousands Of Pinpricks Of Light
146
Milford Sound A Bird With A Rubber Fetish
158
The Catlins An Explorer With A Sense Of Humour
165
Dunedin Get Your Albatross Here
175
Aoraki Mount Cook Flour And Water
183

North to South Sounds Of Green Lipped Mussels
68
Nelson Knob Jokes And Wearable Art
76
Greymouth New Zealands GSpot
89
The Glaciers Tears Of The Avalanche Girl
105
Christchurch A Hillock In The Middle Of Nowhere
193
Another Dream
204
For People Who Think Lord Of The Rings Is An Aristocratic Jeweller
207
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