Kiss 'Em Goodbye: An ESPN Treasury of Failed, Forgotten, and Departed Teams
THEY’RE GOING, GOING, GONE. . . .
Their names roll off the tongue, a litany of the damned: the Providence Steam Roller, the Wilmington Quicksteps, the Cincinnati Porkers. They are the lost squads of professional sports history—teams forsaken by fans, fleeced by owners, or forgotten by time. Until now.
Kiss ’Em Goodbye unearths the real stories of dozens of vanished teams that once graced—and often disgraced—North America’s big leagues. Like the St. Paul Apostles, the only major league team never to have played a home game; Card-Pitt, the NFL’s World War II doormat; and the Philadelphia Quakers of the NHL, a team owned jointly by bootleggers and a retired boxer who climbed back into the ring to help meet payroll.
In obituaries for both big-city franchises that skipped town (the Baltimore Colts, the Brooklyn Dodgers) and small-town teams that had their brief moment of glory (the Tonawanda Kardex, the Pottsville Maroons), Kiss ’Em Goodbye commemorates mysterious fires, waterlogged basketball courts, fields tended by goats (“cheaper than mowers!”), and uniforms that broke team budgets. It’s all here in a fascinating, hilarious, page-turning celebration of teams that prove it’s not whether you win or lose, but that you once played the game.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
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COLOR MEN The New York Rens
SLICK The Newark Peppers
BIPOLAR The Philadelphia Athletics
NOT AS POPULAR AS THE SONG
ANGER MISMANAGEMENT The Pittsburgh Ironmen
SPARTAN EXISTENCE The Portsmouth Spartans
FLATTENED BY THE DEPRESSION
MEET ME IN BALTIMORE The St Louis Browns
BIG FISH TheChiFed Whales
LEFTOVER HAMS The Cincinnati Porkers
BEER HERE The Cincinnati Reds
SAINT JOAN The Connecticut Falcons
LOST The Elizabeth Resolutes
MULEHEADED The Kansas City Athletics
THE DEVILS PLAYGROUND The Los Angeles Angels
BRAVESNEW WORLD The Milwaukee Braves
EXCUSEZMOI The Montreal Expos
INCOMPLETE The New York Brickley Giants
DUST TO DUST The New York Metropolitans
JACCUSE The St Louis Brown Stockings
KARMIC CASUALTY The St Louis Maroons
LISTLESS The San Diego Sails
SOULS ON ICE The Seattle Metropolitans
THE LITTLE CITY THAT COULD The Sheboygan Red Skins
OUT OF TIME The Syracuse Nationals
ONEROUT WONDERS TheTonawandaKardex
HELL IN TROY The Troy Trojans
UNGENTLEMANLY The Virginia Squires
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American League Angeles Arena Association attendance ball ballpark Baltimore Ban Johnson baseball's baseman Basketball batting became Boston Brickley Brooklyn Card-Pitt championship Chicago Chicago White Stockings Cincinnati Reds Cleveland coach Colts contract Cougars Detroit disbanded Dodgers fans field finished five Football League four franchise future Hall Hall of Famer Hockey home games Irsay joined Kansas City Lakers league games league's lost Louis Browns Louis Maroons Lucas Mack major league baseball major league team Maroons McGraw Milwaukee Monarchs moved the team National Football League National League NFL team Orioles outfield owner Packers Park pennant Philadelphia pitcher pitching Pittsburgh play players playoffs president professional baseball Quicksteps Rams record Red Stockings salary schedule Senators sold the team Sportsman's Park stadium Stanley Cup star team's took Washington Western League White Stockings winning World Series Yankees York Giants