Oh, the Things I Know!

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Penguin, Apr 29, 2002 - Humor - 176 pages
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Al Franken, or Dr. Al Franken as he prefers to be called, has written the first truly indispensable book of the new millennium. Filled with wisdom, observations, and practical tips you can put to work right away, Oh, the Things I Know! is a cradle-to-grave guide to living, an easy-to-follow user's manual for human existence.

What does a megasuccess like Al Franken—bestselling author, Emmy-award winning television star, and honorary Ph.D.—have to say to ordinary people like you? Well, as Dr. Al himself says, "There's no point in getting advice from hopeless failures."

Join Mr. Franken—sorry, Dr. Franken—on a journey that will take you from your first job ("Oh, Are You Going to Hate Your First Job!"), through the perils and pitfalls of your twenties and thirties ("Oh, the Person of Your Dreams vs. the Person You Can Actually Attract!"), into the joys of marriage and parenthood ("Oh, Just Looking at Your Spouse Will Make Your Skin Crawl!"), all the way to the golden years of senior citizenship ("Oh, the Nursing Home You'll Wind Up In!"). Don't travel life's lonesome highway by yourself. Take Al Franken along, if not as an infallible guide, then at least as a friend who will make you laugh.

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To the Reader
Oh You Shouldnt Skip the Introduction
Book One
CHAPTER 1Oh the Mistakes Youll Keep Repeating
CHAPTER 2Oh the Advice You Should Ignore
CHAPTER 3Oh the Personal Notes You Should Write
CHAPTER 4Oh Are You Going to Hate Your First Job
CHAPTER 5Oh the Drugs You Will Take
ADVERTISEMENTCHAPTER 16Oh You Should Go to Canada and See the Northern Lights Before You Die
CHAPTER 17Oh The Weight You Will Gain
CHAPTER 18Oh The Houses You Will Covet and The Homeowners Youll Envy
CHAPTER 19Oh The People You Must Trample to Get Ahead
CHAPTER 20Oh The Books Youll Read
CHAPTER 21Oh The People Youll Sue
Book Three
CHAPTER 22Oh the Giving Back to Your Community You Ought to Be Doing Instead of Reading This

CHAPTER 6Oh the Orgasms Youll Have
CHAPTER 7Oh the Orgasms Youll Fake For the Ladies
CHAPTER 8Oh If Youre Involved in Hardcore Bondage and Discipline You Should Have a Safeword
Book Two
CHAPTER 9Oh Pick a Religion Any Religion
CHAPTER 10Oh the Things Youll Keep Telling Yourself
CHAPTER 11Oh the Politicians Who Will Disappoint You
CHAPTER 12Oh the Person of Your Dreams vs the Person You Can Actually Attract
CHAPTER 13Oh Just Looking at Your Spouse Will Make Your Skin Crawl
CHAPTER 14Oh the Violent Television Your Children Will Watch
CHAPTER 15Oh the Bad Investments Youll Make and the Good Ones You Wont
CHAPTER 23Oh Watch Out for Disgruntled Former Employees
CHAPTER 24Oh The Places Youll Call
CHAPTER 25Oh The Best Is Yet to Come
CHAPTER 26Oh What Doesnt Kill You Can Have Lingering Aftereffects
CHAPTER 27Oh Laughter Is the Best Medicine
CHAPTER 28Oh The Loneliness The Loneliness
CHAPTER 29Oh The Nursing Home Youll Wind Up In
Oh the Afterword
Oh the Acknowledgments
Oh About the Typeface

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