"If She Weren't My Best Friend, I'd Kill Her!": Almost 600 Ways Women Drive Their Girlfriends Crazy

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Andrews McMeel Publishing, 1998 - Humor - 373 pages
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"Hallie can drink any man under the table. In fact, I met her at a fraternity party; I stepped on her Because that's where she was, under the table". -- Meg, 22, Ithaca, New York

"Pssssst. Can you keep a secret? My best friend is driving me nuts!"

Best-selling author Merry Bloch Jones knows where you're coming from, and in "If She Weren't My Best Friend, I'd Kill Her!" she lets hundreds of women dish out the good, the bad, and the funny of female relationships. In this collection of more than 500 quotes, we hear from women of all ages on topics ranging from guys and fights to material matters and mirrors. Each of the ten chapters has a brief introduction and dozens of clever, telling, and hysterical quotes on the issues at the forefront of women's lives:

The Phone

"She's got call waiting. She gets the calls; I do the waiting. Really, every time I call her, she leaves me on hold". -- Debbie, 22, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania


"I hate her dog. She loves it to death, won't hear any complaints about it. It's this godawful French poodle. It smells. It jumps up, slimes me with its tongue, sniffs my crotch. If I sit down, it humps my leg". -- Lacey, 27, Buffalo, New York


"We've been friends since kindergarten and Nora never forgets anything I ever did to her. She's still mad I broke her doll's head off when we were seven....And that I stole her boyfriend sophomore year. And junior year. I don't think she knows about Greg, the guy from senior year, or she'd still be mad about that, too". -- Cathy, 25, Boston, Massachusetts

We know: You love your best friend. But admit it: Sometimes she makes you want to tear out your hair. "If She Weren't My Best Friend, I'd Kill Her!"offers snapshots of these moments with its priceless, laugh-out-loud quips as women speak candidly about their best friends.

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Our Bodies Ourselves 40
Pecking Order 86
Guys 168
Material Girls 210
Down Time 322

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About the author (1998)

Merry Jones is the author of eight books, including the humorous bestseller "I Love Him, But..." and the nonfiction" Birthmothers: Women Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories," She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and two daughters. This is her first novel.

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