Beyond blame: a new way of resolving conflicts in relationships

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Jossey-Bass Publishers, Mar 18, 1994 - Psychology - 235 pages
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Conflict is an unavoidable part of life. Everyone has at least one relationship that is in conflict, whether it's with a family member, a co-worker or boss, a teacher, a friend, or a lover. And while it is common to blame others for the conflict, this type of strategy usually makes things worse. Beyond Blame focuses on the only party in the conflict we have any control over: ourselves. Conflict, according to Jeffrey Kottler, is an interactive process - you cannot look at a person who makes life difficult for you without also looking at yourself. While blaming others may lead to short-term relief, it often escalates conflicts and produces long-term damage. Kottler shows that to contend with conflict we must first understand the problem and then take responsibility by changing our own roles. Kottler explores the patterns of conflict in our lives and tells how to identify the unresolved issues within us that contribute to recurring problems. Beyond Blame presents specific advice on conflicts in love and at work, and explains what to do when conflicts cannot be resolved. Through many examples and helpful exercises we learn how to confront the interactions that arouse our deepest fears; harness emotional pain and use it as a force for constructive change; take responsibility without feeling the need to blame others; say no to gui

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Beyond blame: a new way of resolving conflicts in relationships

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A prolific author, Kottler (counseling, Univ. of Nevada, Las Vegas; Advanced Group Leadership, Brooks-Cole, 1993) here aims to help readers understand why they have interaction problems and how to ... Read full review

Contents

Identifying What Sets You Off
21
Exploring the Origins and Causes of Your Conflicts
39
Allowing Yourself the Discomfort
59
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About the author (1994)

Jeffrey A. Kottler has authored over 65 books in the field for counselors, therapists, teachers, and the public, including COMPASSIONATE THERAPY: WORKING WITH DIFFICULT CLIENTS; ON BEING A THERAPIST; COUNSELORS FINDING THEIR WAY; MAKING CHANGES LAST; COUNSELING SKILLS FOR TEACHERS; DIVINE MADNESS: TEN STORIES OF CREATIVE STRUGGLE; BAD THERAPY: MASTER THERAPISTS SHARE THEIR WORST FAILURES; THE CLIENT WHO CHANGED ME: STORIES OF THERAPIST PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION; and THE MUMMY AT THE DINING ROOM TABLE: EMINENT THERAPISTS REVEAL THEIR MOST UNUSUAL CASES AND WHAT THEY TEACH US ABOUT HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
Jeffrey has worked as a teacher, counselor, and therapist in a preschool, middle school, mental health center, crisis center, university, community college, and private practice. He has served as a Fulbright Scholar and Senior Lecturer in Peru and Iceland, teaching counseling theory and practice. He has also served as a visiting professor in New Zealand, Australia, Hong Kong, and Nepal. He is currently Professor and Chair of the Counseling Department at California State University, Fullerton.

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