The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (Charles F. Browne).

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Chatto & Windus, 1899 - American wit and humor - 518 pages
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Page 243 - God, will give unto him, because she did not administer unto him according to my word; and she then becomes the transgressor, and he is exempt from the law of Sarah, who administered unto Abraham according to the law, when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to wife. And now, as pertaining to this law, verily, verily, I say unto you, I will reveal more unto you hereafter; therefore let this suffice for the present. Behold I am Alpha and Omega. Amen.
Page 237 - ... sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood, and it shall be said onto them, Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection ; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection...
Page 502 - So live, that when thy summons comes to join The innumerable caravan, which moves To that mysterious realm, where each shall take His chamber in the silent halls of death, Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night, Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.
Page 38 - If it's a temprance community tell 'em I sined the pledge fifteen minits arter Ise born, but on the contery ef your peple take their tods, say Mister Ward is as Jenial a feller as we ever met, full of conwiviality, & the life an sole of the Soshul Bored. Take. don't you ? If you say anythin abowt my show say my snaiks is as harmliss as the new born Babe.
Page 108 - I'm A. Ward. Wax figgers is my perfeshun. I'm the father of Twins, and they look like me— both of them. I cum to pay a frendly visit to the President eleck of the United States. If so be you wants to see me say so— if not, say so, & I'm orf like a jug handle." "Mr. Ward, sit down. I am glad to see you, Sir.
Page 39 - It's onpleasant when there's a mess underfoot?" "Yay." "If I may be so bold, kind sir, what's the price of that pecooler kind of weskit you wear, incloodin trimmins?" "Yay." I pawsd a minit, and then, thinkin I'd be faseshus with him and see how that would go, I slapt him on the shoulder, bust into a harty larf, and told him that as a yayer he had no livin ekal. He jumpt up as if Bilin water had bin squirted into his ears, groaned, rolled his eyes up tords the sealin and sed: "You're a man of sin!
Page 474 - I'll have thee speak out the rest of this soon. Good my lord, will you see the players well bestowed ? Do you hear, let them be well used, for they are the abstract and brief chronicles of the time : after your death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while you live.
Page 517 - RICE. Ready-Money Mortiboy. With Harp and Crown. This Son of Vulcan. My Little Girl. The Case of Mr. Lucraft. The Golden Butterfly. BY BESANT AND RICE, continued— By Celia's Arbour. The Monks of Thelema. 'Twas in Trafalgar's Bay. The Seamy Side. The Ten Years
Page 236 - I give unto you this commandment, that no man shall come unto the Father but by me, or by my word which is my law, saith the Lord ; and every thing that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, whatsoever they may be, that are not by me, or by my word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall not remain...
Page 235 - I am about to give unto you ; for all those who have this law revealed unto them must obey the same ; For behold ! I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant ; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for 'no one can reject this covenant, and be permitted to enter into my glory...

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