Fathers Are Funny

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General Books, 2009 - 92 pages
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This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1939 edition. Excerpt: ...normal ways and go into action. The old time fire horses and fathers have much in common. Gradually it was borne in upon me that I no longer was a pretty free agent in a reasonably comfortable world. I was an actor compelled on short notice to play many parts. I must exemplify correct social usage, I must represent all varieties of manly virtue for the sake of you, my son. I found myself paying heed to many things that, heretofore, I had disregarded. During a spectacular alimentary career fellow diners never had been moved to cheer me for the delicacy of my table manners, until your mother started in. Thrice daily, she implored you to model your eating technique upon mine. By the time you were ten, your conduct at table still was far from perfect, but my own had improved past belief, though I found that I took less relish and found more cause for apprehension in my victuals. It was difficult for me to be a model for you, or anything else inspirational, while eating green corn or asparagus. There were innumerable other trials. Frequently I thrust my head voluntarily into a noose for my own undoing. One day when your mother entered your room, I saw you remain seated in the incredibly contorted posture you adopted from choice while reading. I spoke to you vigorously about your boorishness. Gentlemen always rose when a woman came in. In theory I subscribed to this gospel, but it was annoying in a small apartment to come out of whatever you happened to be doing at the moment and get to your feet each time your mother appeared but thereafter, when you were about, I found myself leaping up at her entrance until the hinges of my knees were badly worn. Even this was not enough for one day, while I lurked behind a newspaper, I heard your mother ask you...

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