Lives of the Saints: Nine One-Act Plays
THE STORIES: THE GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART. If a friend’s in need, friends help friends, no questions asked—right? But then, what does “need,” mean, really? Does it extend to a $900 4-D surround sound television? (2 men.) SOAP OPERA. A washing-machine repairman falls in love with a picture-perfect washer. How can he tell his girlfriend, Mabel? Is the washer two-timing him with a dryer? Stay tuned. (3 men, 2 women.) ENIGMA VARIATIONS. Zany hijinks as a pair of lookalikes named Bebe W.W. Doppel-gängler solve an identity crisis with the help of Dr. William W. Williams and his nurse Fifi, who may or may not be Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Or is she a male gym-teacher in a dress? (3 men, 2 women.) LIFE SIGNS. Helen, Toby’s mother, has just passed. An aloof woman in life, Toby feels he never truly knew the woman who birthed him, and now that she’s gone, he’ll never get the chance. Or will he? And will he regret it for the rest of his life? (2 men, 2 women.) IT’S ALL GOOD. Stephen got out of his hometown Chicago suburb, went to college, became a successful New York City writer, and has the girlfriend of his dreams. But a trip back to the old nabe offers an all-too-vivid portrait of what his life could have been if he’d stayed. (2 men, 2 women.) LIVES OF THE SAINTS. Two women preparing a funeral breakfast in a church basement muse on life, death, and the meaning of Polish jokes—and along the way achieve a kind of sanctity. (3 men, 2 women.) THE MYSTERY AT TWICKNAM VICARAGE. There’s a body on the carpet. Three ridiculous Masterpiece Theatre-style suspects and a bumbling Scotland Yard detective solve philosophical quandaries as they investigate: Who killed Jeremy Thumpington-Fffienes? (3 men, 2 women.) BABEL’S IN ARMS. Two blue-collar Mesopotamian construction workers are handed a provocative task: Build the Tower of Babel—or else. How many stones does it take to get to heaven, anyway? (2 men, 1 woman.) THE END OF TRAVEL. A woman looking to make the trip of a lifetime talks to her travel agent, only to realize her destination—and the journey—might be beyond what she imagined. (2 women.)
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Anne O'Sullivan Arnie Burton Babble BANG Baybel beautiful BEBE Behold BILL BUSINESSWOMAN Cairo CANNAPFLIT cheese things Circle Click costume design Danton Stone Der's DEXTER Doctor Domino's Pizza Doppelgangler duck blood Edna and Flo ENIGMA VARIATIONS EUNUCH/SLAVE exits eye chart Fifi FLORA funeral Gestures GORPH handkerchief hear Heh-heh-heh-heh honey Horrified intake infinite Inspector INTERPRETER JEREMY Jerry Jim Van Bergin John Rando Kaye Voyce khlumnafluffa himnaflekh look MAITRE MAITRE D Manny Maypole Nancy Opel NORMAN Oh wow Okay Penworthy-Pilks PFFFLLLL Philadelphia Theatre Company pistol PRIESTESS PROPERTY LIST Rob and Laura Robert Wierzel ROGER SAINTS SARAH and MONA schmootzkels Scottish terrier set design shake hands Shmoloch shpoont shuuting ekcident Soma-Lan sorry SOUND EFFECTS SPRINKLE stagehands starting pistol Stay tuned stone Stop Thank there's tonight tower TV MAN/NEWSCASTER TV MAN/VILLAIN TV WOMAN TV WOMAN/COMMERCIAL TV WOMAN/HELPLESS HEROINE vuuu WASHING MACHINE What's Yeah