I Hate the GymMost of us would rather give up bread than step on a treadmill, but there are basics to consider - good health, fitting into a favourite pair of jeans, attracting a mate, feeling fit. Whatever the incentive that draws people to the most unappealing place on Earth, getting to the gym is less than half the battle. Once there, navigating the sea of distasteful sights, sounds and smells can be a horrifying experience. The gym is a minefield of people you'd rather not stand next to on the underground let alone share a sweaty machine with. In I HATE THE GYM, seasoned sitcom writer Jessica Kaminsky shares her tips on getting through a trip to the fortress of evil relatively unscathed. Tips include: * The half-hour rule (doesn't matter what you do, if you stay for thirty minutes, it counts as a workout) * Reward systems (thirty minutes equals carte blanche to eat and drink whatever you want) * Identifying the players (from the prison warden to the bored housewife) * Surviving the classes (beware the territorial spinners and aggressive yogis) and more! |
Contents
Preface | 1 |
Induction into the Club | 4 |
Penance for a Flabby Ass | 9 |
The First Hurdle | 16 |
Navigating the Minefield | 24 |
Lowering the Bar One Outfit at a Time | 32 |
Lettin It All Hang Out | 38 |
Valley of the Balls | 47 |
Wipe It Down | 54 |
Much Ado About Nautilus | 59 |
High School Revisited | 64 |
To Swim or Snot to Swim | 74 |
Wheatgrass Enemy of the People | 82 |
Exposing Poses | 88 |
Time to Do It All Over Again 30 | 94 |
Acknowledgments | 99 |
Common terms and phrases
athlete's foot avoid bike bikini bikini line body body odor boot camp breathe buddy CHAPTER creepy Deal Breakers exercise feel FLABBY ASS flip-flops free session front getting giant Goal grunt gym hater gym member gym membership gym-goer hair HANG Harrison Ford HATE THE GYM head headphones hell HIGH SCHOOL REVISITED hour juice bar keep LADIES Lane Log legs LETTIN lifting Loud Talker loudly matter MEN'S LOCKER ROOM mouth breathing move movie muscle naked NAVIGATING THE MINEFIELD never OUTFIT pain pants peep show personal trainer Pilates Players pool Room Etiquette runner's high schlubby hubby sexy shave shirt shower sneakers SNOT TO SWIM someone spend spot StairMaster stare stretching area sweat SWIM OR SNOT swimmer teacher techno music there's thing Threat Rating towel treadmill trip Venice Beach watch wear weight room WHEATGRASS women yoga