Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

Front Cover
Simon and Schuster, Jan 10, 2017 - Family & Relationships - 208 pages
“If you want to know why Harriet Lerner is one of my great heroes, Why Won’t You Apologize? is the answer. This book is a game changer.” —Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong

“Harriet Lerner is one hell of a wise woman. She draws you in with deft and engaging prose, and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice. I promise that you will never see ‘the apology’ in quite the same way.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT author of Mating in Captivity

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.

Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.

Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.
 

What people are saying - Write a review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - Daumari - LibraryThing

A quick read, but concisely achieves what it sets out to do. I checked this out from the library for another member of the household, but found it useful enough to read on my own. Lerner covers when ... Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - nyiper - LibraryThing

There is a lot to learn from this book and Lerner, a great writer, brings wonderful examples from her own experiences as well as those of her clients, to describe the complexity of apologizing---the ... Read full review

Contents

CHAPTER
1
CHAPTER
13
CHAPTER 3
25
CHAPTER 4
35
CHAPTER 5
53
CHAPTER 7
93
CHAPTER 8
109
CHAPTER 10
137
CHAPTER 11
157
CHAPTER 12
175
Acknowledgments
187
Copyright

Other editions - View all

Common terms and phrases

About the author (2017)

Harriet Lerner, PhD is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for several decades. A distinguished lecturer, consultant, and psychotherapist, she is the author of numerous scholarly articles and popular books, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger and Why Won’t You Apologize?. She and her husband live in Lawrence, Kansas and have two grown sons.

Bibliographic information