Out of My Mind

Andy Rooney, Andrew A. Rooney

PublicAffairs, Oct 3, 2006 - Humor - 353 pages

Every Sunday evening, millions of viewers tune in to 60 Minutes to hear Andy Rooney riff on everything from coffee percolators to the state of the union. Millions more read his weekly newspaper column. Why? Because Rooney tells it like it is. But Rooney fans have never seen him quite like this. Andy Rooney is plain frustrated by what's going on in America and the world. Why can't Americans—let alone our president—speak English anymore? How do we expect to fight a terrorist enemy that we can't even locate? And when did capitalism go so terribly wrong? This book isn't all heady stuff, though. Readers will also get the familiar—and hysterical—Rooney gripes about everyday foibles, such as the impossibility of physically locating your driver's registration, of purchasing a genuinely healthy breakfast cereal, or of enjoying a college reunion—unless everyone ends up in their nighties, that is. PublicAffairs is pleased to present its fifth collaboration with Andy Rooney. Loyal Rooney fans and anyone who enjoys a good laugh at life's absurdities will be thrilled to add it to the bookshelf during the holidays.

Contents

• Daily Life: 1
• WERE WASTING AWAY: 3
• JUST ANOTHER DAY: 4
• STATES BY THE NUMBERS: 6
• WEATHERING THE STORM: 8
• FORGET THE BIRTHDAY GREETINGS: 9
• THE JUNK BUILDING BOOM: 11
• LIFE BECOMES LESS NEIGHBORLY: 12
• THE RETRACTABLE WEDDING: 14
• BETTER BY PAR: 16
• WEDDING DUMBBELLS: 18
• A JOB EASILY DONE: 20
• SOME THOUGHTS ON VACATIONS: 21
• THE SMELL OF A NEW CAR: 23
• EXPENSIVE BED BAD BREAKFAST: 25
• THE RAIN IN SPAIN AND HERE: 27
• RING A DING DING: 29
• EASY PASS FOR AIRLINES: 30
• THE AGONY OF FLIGHT: 32
• GOING NOWHERE FAST: 34
• TAKE A STAY HOME VACATION: 36
• THE PERFECT PAT DOWN PERSON: 38
• TECHNOLOGICALLY ILLITERATE: 40
• NOSHOW REPAIR PEOPLE: 41
• A NAME IS A BRAND WERE GIVEN: 42
• SNOWY THOUGHTS IN SUMMER: 44
• SIZING THINGS UP: 46
• MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR ALL: 47
• SORTING WELLAGED FROM OLD: 49
• THE SOUND OF SILENCE: 50
• DONT MESS WITH MY GRASS: 52
• NOTES ON THE NEWS: 54
• Feeling Philosophical: 57
• THE EVIL THAT MEN DO: 59
• THE TERROR GOBLIN: 61
• PRO AND ANTISEMITISM: 62
• ANTIISRAEL NOT ANTISEMITIC: 64
• WHO? ME WORRY?: 65
• NOT A LOVERS QUARREL: 67
• THE HISTORY OF HISTORY: 68
• FAITH IN SCIENCE: 70
• VOUCHERS FOR ATHEISTS TOO: 72
• WAR IS HEAVEN: 74
• HUMAN AND INHUMAN NATURE: 76
• NO WOMEN ALLOWED: 77
• ARCHITECTURE AS ART: 79
• IS IT MUSIC OR NOISE?: 81
• TOO TRUE TO BE GOOD: 83
• FOR IT AND AGAINST IT: 84
• WHAT GOETH BEFORE FALLING: 86
• LEAVE NO WAR BEHIND: 88
• TO CATCH A THIEF: 90
• USING THE FLAG: 91
• ANCHOR AWAY: 93
• NOT ABOUT THE POPE: 95
• TOO MANY CHURCHES: 96
• THE KORAN IS THEIR BIBLE: 98
• MURDER MOST VILE: 100
• FOOD FOR THOUGHT: 102
• On Food and Drink: 105
• WAR ON A FULL STOMACH: 107
• VIVE LA FRENCH FOOD: 108
• FOOD FOR THOUGHTLESS: 110
• BETRAYED BY AN APPETITE: 112
• COOKINGS THE THING WHEN VACATION COMES AROUND: 113
• THE KITCHEN SINK IN COOKIES: 115
• SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT DRINKING: 117
• WE ARENT WHAT WE EAT: 119
• THE MORE YOU EAT: 121
• At Work and in the Newsroom: 123
• ITS TIME TO REARRANGE TIME: 125
• READING TIME: 126
• MY NAMES BEEN STOLEN: 128
• ON LIKING YOUR WORK: 130
• FREE SPEECH: 132
• NO NEWS IS BAD NEWS: 134
• A REPORT ON REPORTING: 136
• DONT STOP THE PRESSES: 138
• LIFE IS GOOD OR AT LEAST FAIRLY GOOD: 140
• NOT THE RETIRING KIND: 141
• The Nation at War: 145
• THOUGHTS ON A PEACETIME WAR: 147
• LYING POLITELY: 148
• UNINFORMED AND MISINFORMED: 150
• THE ASHCROFT ISSUE: 152
• A WAR OF WORDS: 154
• A GEOGRAPHY LESSON: 155
• A PREEMPTIVE STRIKE: 157
• TO WAR OR NOT TO WAR: 159
• OUR UNUNITED NATION: 161
• MUSLIMS AND DEMOCRACY: 164
• THE LOOTER MENTALITY: 166
• A VOTE AGAINST DEMOCRACY: 167
• WORDS DONT DO IT: 169
• ELECTING A DICTATOR: 171
• TALK TO US GEORGE: 172
• HEROES DONT COME WHOLESALE: 175
• GOOD DAYS BAD DAYS: 177
• WE SHOULD LEAVE WHILE WERE BEHIND: 179
• NEVER MIND WHO WON: 180
• TORTURE AMERICAN STYLE: 182
• NO EASY ANSWERS: 184
• On Politics: 187
• LIBERAL IS A DIRTY WORD: 189
• ELECTION DAY: 190
• JUDGING THE JUDGES: 191
• NO UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTIONS: 193
• BEATING AROUND BUSH: 195
• WE NEED SMARTER LEADERS: 197
• CLINTON AND BUSH: 198
• YOU DO I THINK: 200
• THE POWER OF A PRESIDENT: 202
• SCHWARZENEGGER FOR PRESIDENT: 203
• THE PERSON YOU ELECTED: 205
• WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON?: 206
• THE GOOD LOSERS: 207
• EINSTEIN FOR PRESIDENT: 209
• HOORAY FOR POLITICIANS: 210
• CRAB GRASSROOTS CAMPAIGNING: 212
• A PHONE CALL TO REMEMBER: 214
• IN BED WITH BUSINESS: 216
• TIMEBOTH OFF AND ON: 218
• A NOTHINGNOTHING TIE IN DC: 219
• GOOD PRESIDENT BAD PRESIDENT: 221
• DIVIDED WE STAND: 223
• NO MORE GAS GUZZLING: 224
• NOT AN INTERVIEW WITH BUSH: 226
• EXPRESIDENTIAL PERKS: 228
• TALKING HEADS: 229
• WORKING FOR BUSH: 231
• THE KYOTO DECISION: 234
• My Life: 237
• HOPELESSLY COPELESS: 239
• ON BEING A COLLEGE PRESIDENT: 240
• CARS I HAVE KNOWN: 242
• ANOTHER LOST WEEKEND: 244
• TO GO OR NOT TO GO?: 246
• THE KASHMIR EXPERT: 248
• MAN IS DOGS BEST FRIEND: 250
• YOUVE PROBABLY HAD IT: 252
• A LESS THAN MERRY CHRISTMAS: 254
• MISSING FIVE HOURS: 257
• THINGS I LOVE TO HATE: 259
• PURSUIT OF TRUTH NOT FICTION: 261
• A SHIP AT SEA: 263
• A STARSPANGLED TRIP: 265
• THINGS TO DO TODAY: 267
• HOW TO SLEEP: 269
• A FULL HOUSE: 270
• THE VE DAY I KNOW: 272
• FUGEDDABOUTIT: 274
• FOOD FOR HOLIDAY THOUGHTS: 276
• On Money: 279
• OUR POOR ARE RICH: 281
• IT CALLS FOR A REVOLUTION: 283
• FREE ENTERPRISE ANARCHY: 284
• ALL HAIL THE RICH: 285
• THE BILLIONDOLLAR POOH: 287
• NAME LOTTERY LOSERS: 289
• THE HORSE RACE ECONOMY: 291
• ITS THE ECONOMY STUPID: 292
• RICH MAN POOR MAN BEGGAR MAN: 294
• THE SAVING GRACE: 296
• ALL PLAY AND NO WORK: 297
• FREE ENTERPRISE IS EXPENSIVE: 299
• WRITE TAX LAWS IN ENGLISH: 301
• RAISING MY BLOOD PRESSURE: 303
• WHAT GOES UP NEVER COMES DOWN: 305
• THE GAS BILL: 306
• DONT BE GREEDY: 308
• THE BUSINESS OF WAR: 310
• The English Language: 313
• ENGLISH FOREIGN TO TOO MANY: 315
• ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE: 317
• DOWN WITH THE SEMICOLON: 319
• THE SOPRANOS A BASE VOICE: 320
• LAW AMONG THE SORRY LOTT: 322
• ENGLISH ISNT EASY: 324
• HUMOR ISNT FUNNY: 326
• THE COMPLEXITIES OF LANGUAGE: 328
• A FEW WORDS ON WORDS: 329
• THE HANDWRITTEN WORD: 331
• The Sports Fan: 335
• THE GOODBAD WORLD OF SPORTS: 337
• THE TROUBLE WITH BASEBAEE: 340
• EAT YOUR HEART OUT: 342
• WHY I LOVE THE GIANTS: 343
• PITCH AWAY FROM BALLGAME: 345
• NOT WATCHING TELEVISION: 347
• BEFORE JOINING THE HUDDLE: 348
• TOO MANY GAMES: 350
• IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SUPER: 352

About the author

Known to millions for his regular commentary on the television newsmagazine 60 Minutes, and his weekly syndicated newspaper column, Andy Rooney is also the author of numerous bestselling books. He has published four previous books with PublicAffairs: My War, Sincerely, Andy Rooney, Common Nonsense, and Years of Minutes.

Bibliographic information

• Title: Out of My Mind; Thorndike Press large print laugh lines
• Authors: Andy Rooney, Andrew A. Rooney
• Publisher: PublicAffairs, 2006
• ISBN: 1586484168, 9781586484163
• Length: 353 pages
• Subjects: Humor / Form / Essays; Humor / General