Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem

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St. Martin's Publishing Group, Nov 6, 2018 - Self-Help - 304 pages

An intimate look at the full spectrum of shame—often masked by addiction, promiscuity, perfectionism, self-loathing, or narcissism—that offers a new, positive route forward

Encounters with embarrassment, guilt, self-consciousness, remorse, etc. are an unavoidable part of everyday life, and they sometimes have lessons to teach us—about our goals and values, about the person we expect ourselves to be. In contrast to the prevailing cultural view of shame as a uniformly toxic influence, Shame is a book that approaches the subject of shame as an entire family of emotions which share a “painful awareness of self.”

Challenging widely-accepted views within the self-esteem movement, author Joseph Burgo argues that self-esteem does NOT thrive in the soil of non-stop praise and encouragement, but rather depends upon setting and meeting goals, living up to the expectations we hold for ourselves, and finally sharing our joy in achievement with the people who matter most to us. Along the way, listening to and learning from our encounters with shame will go further than affirmations and positive self-talk in helping us to build authentic self-esteem.

Richly illustrated with clinical stories from Burgo's 35 years in private practice, Shame also describes the myriad ways that unacknowledged shame often hides behind a broad spectrum of mental disorders including social anxiety, narcissism, addiction, and masochism.

 

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Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem

User Review  - Publishers Weekly

While shame is at least a small part of everyone’s life, it can be a source of empowerment for change, writes psychotherapist Burgo in this approachable book. Instead of minimizing feelings of shame ... Read full review

Contents

The Shame Family of Emotions
3
The Value of Shame
14
Unloved and Left Out
23
Exposed and Disappointed
31
Joy and the Birth of SelfEsteem
40
Shame and the Growth of SelfEsteem
53
THE MASKS OF SHAME
63
AVOIDING SHAME
67
Blame and Indignation
145
Denying Shame in Everyday Life
155
SelfMockery
169
SelfHatred
180
Masochism
191
Controlling Shame in Everyday Life
202
FROM SHAME TO SELFESTEEM
211
Shame Resilience and Expanding Identity
225

Social Anxiety
69
Indifference
82
Promiscuity and Addiction
96
Avoiding Shame in Everyday Life
109
DENYING SHAME
120
The Idealized False Self
123
Superiority and Contempt
135
Building Pride
236
Sharing Joy
246
Survey Scoring and Discussion
257
Acknowledgments
287
Notes
293
Copyright

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About the author (2018)

JOSEPH BURGO, PH.D. has been practicing psychotherapy for more than 35 years. His articles and commentary have appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, and other major publications. He also writes a blog on the topic of shame for Psychology Today and covers personal development issues from a psychodynamic perspective on his personal website, After Psychotherapy. He is the author of Why Do I Do That?and The Narcissist You Know.

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